In Pursuit of Happiness
by Ikonopeiston
Summary: Chapter TenA Not With A Bang But With A Whimper   Finally the ending of this overly long and, I fear, tedious work.  The loose ends are tied into a firm knot.
1. Chapter 1

2/18/07

The characters are the sole property of Square Enix. I have borrowed them for my purposes and will return them unscathed when I have done with them.

**In Pursuit of Happiness**

**Chapter 1 - First Encounter**

LeBlanc had just arrived at the party and already it had been too long. Her eyes were smarting from the ygdral fumes and her face felt stiff from smiling at all the jokes she had heard before. What was worse is that she was bored, bored, bored, bored. She had met all the other guests at other parties; she had eated the same exotic foods from other buffets; had drunk the same bitter intoxicants from other glasses and had found it all too tedious to be borne any longer. The last time she had been amused at such a gathering had been a month ago when she had premiered her idea of everyone choosing one name and ignoring more complex titles. To her amazement the notion had caught on and now it was a rarity for any Spiran anywhere on the globe to introduce himself with multiple names. It made for a certain confusion when several persons chose the same identifier but - hey! - there is almost always a price to pay for progress. One must be au courant, n'est ce pas?

She turned and scanned the reception room. The usual crowd of fashionable men and women circulated in formal patterns. The usual drinks were being poured by the same bartendeers usually hired for such affairs. The usual trays of the usual delicacies were being passed by the usual servants. It was all predictable and banal. She was already overwhelmed with the dreariness of it all after less than a quarter-hour.

With a carefully concealed yawn, she set herself to choosing who she would take home for the night. Might as well get the selection done. Then she could leave this tedious gathering. She was tired of the endless round of parties, the sight of the same faces, the drone of the same gossip about the same persons commiting the same sins in the same hot overly decorated rooms with only the combinations changing.

LeBlanc moved through the clots of military men in dress uniforms playing the gallant to women in extreme decolletage. Her idly drifting mind seized on the fact that one never saw warrior women or gigolos at these events. Perhaps they had their own galas. She made a mental note to check that out. It would be something different, at least.

As she brushed her white shoulders, covered only by the narrow lavender straps of her bodice, past the outstretched hands of colonels and majors and the occasional general who sought to detain her and on into the second room, she saw no one who piqued her interest or stirred her desires. This was the ballroom and held a more lively group of celebrants as well as a small orchestra which was taking a break at the moment.

Her appraising glace swept over the inhabitants of this much larger room as it had done in the reception area and - paused.

There on the far side of the space was a stranger. He had his back to her but she noticed him because he stood half a head taller than any other man at the party. As she walked toward his group she carefully appraised this new candidate for her favours. His shoulders were wide and his waist narrow. He was dressed in the uniform of an officer in the Crusaders complete with glossy boots which showed his well-turned calves to some advantage. The short dress cape flared over his left arm, leaving his right one free to symbolically wield the sword which swung gently against his left thigh. He had improbably long and thick dark hair, dressed in the elaborate style of an unfamiliar tribe and he stood with a casual arrogance, commanding the attention of the men and women who clustered around him.

As she drew near enough to hear the conversation of the strangers, the music struck up behind her and the tall man turned to find her standing before him, near enough to touch. She could now see what his features which were entirely new to her. His face was sharp featured with eyes so intense a brown as to be almost black and full, well defined lips with a downward curl. His olive skin sported no beard or mustache, nor even full side burns. Flared brows accented his intense gaze.

LeBlanc had screened much of her own face with her fan, a move which served to emphasize her violet eyes and add a note of mystery to her appearance. It was a ploy which had worked well for her many times in the past. She fully expected the stranger to be impressed by her, all men were. It, therefore, came as a surprise when his glance swept past her without reaction and he turned to the thin woman on his right, offering her his hand and leading her to the floor.

LeBlanc flushed angrily as she watched the pair merge into the mass of dancers. In spite of his size, the man was as graceful as his partner and they executed the intricate steps of the dance with careless skill. He seemed entirely concentrated upon the woman in his arms, taking no heed of the other couples swirling by.

"Uh, pardon me, but would you like to dance?" A hestitant male voice sounded in her ear. She spun around to see a diffident Al Bhed in elaborately fashionable garb bowing before her. "I'm - er, called Aquelev. I am attached to the quartermaster unit here in Luca." He seemed to feel called upon to explain his temerity.

"You're Al Bhed." She burst out before she could stop herself.

"But one of the socially acceptable ones," he responded. "I have credentials from the High Temple and am considered largely free from contagions - so far as can be ascertained." He smiled innocently, his hand still extended.

The Lady was not used to being mocked, still less to being at a loss as to the proper action. The colour rose again under her pale skin and she gracelessly gave him her hand. "I am LeBlanc."

"Yes, I recognized you. We will be formally introduced in a day or so since I understand you are one of the suppliers with whom I shall be privileged to work. I am told you are head of the Syndicate and have the best contacts on the planet for locating hard to find materiel."

So that was it! It was not her charm or beauty which had attracted him but a need to get on the right side of one of the army's chief contractors. She tightened her lips and followed his surprisingly adroit lead.

"I saw you looking at my old friend just now." Aquelev tactfully gazed over her shoulder.

"And who would that be? There are so many people in this room. I thought I knew most of them but you are new to me."

"Yes, I suppose I am. I just got here, actually. I've been learning my trade in the back country, trailing along after a team of Crusaders who were cleaning out some fiends and bandits. Interesting lads, those Crusaders." He spun her into an intricate dip.

It took her a moment to collect her breath. She had known the Al Bhed to be excellent workers with their hands; it had not occured to her that they might be equally adept with their feet. "I'm sure we can manage to find some mutually profitable paths to follow. Would you care to stop by my hotel tomorrow?"

"Hotel? That's what you Spirans call those city mansions you build, isn't it?" He smiled to take the sting from the comment.

Without really meaning to, LeBlanc smiled back. "Yes, anyone in the city can point mine out to you. Shall we say about three o'clock in the afternoon?"

"I'll be there. Oh, the music's stopping. Would you like a drink to refresh you?"

"That would be pleasant." She permitted him to lead her to the bar over near the windows.

"Ah! Here's Nooj!" Aquelev exclaimed as he bowed her to a seat. "May I introduce him?" He gestured toward the tall man she had been admiring earlier.

"If you wish. Is he alone? Without his partner?"

"You mean Chayeth? She's one of his lieutenants and had time for exactly one dance before she had to report for duty." The Al Bhed handed her a glass of sparkling wine and turned to his friend.

"Madame LeBlanc, may I present Captain Nooj of the Crusaders?"

She looked up. The dark man was bowing before her, taking the hand she had automatically offered and brushing the back of it with his lips.

"Madame LeBlanc, it is an honour. You are spoken of with great admiration."

"Thank you, Captain. Will you sit and tell me about yourself?"

"There is little to say. I am a simple Warrior in the service of my country with few graces and little else to commend me." It was a formulaic response to a formal greeting. He seated himself on her right and Aquelev took the chair to her left. LeBlanc felt comfortable thus attended. She was accustomed to having court paid to her at social gatherings.

"This is a pleasant place. It is the first time I've been here." Nooj bent his head to her."

"How long have you been in the city, Captain?"

"A little less than a week. And there is no need to use my rank. I have been given to understand that single names are the custom here."

Aquelev leaned forward with a grim. "This little lady was the one responsible for that custom, Nooj. she saw the silliness of such formality amongst friends."

"Then you are not only beautiful; you are wise." The Captain saluted her with his lifted glass. "I hear the music is beginning. Would you honour me with a dance?"

She floated toward him and felt the touch of his hand on her back. He radiated a warmth which suffused her body and made her tingle from head to foot as though an electrical charge had passed through her. If he felt her tremble, he gave no sign.

She wanted him to press her closely against his body but he held her the exactly proper distance away. With a flare of irritation, she wondered if he did everything with such grave propriety. Was he coolly courteous even in bed?

"You don't smile much." She had not meant to say that; it just came out by itself.

"No. As a Warrior, I have found little in life to amuse me. Does that displease you?"

"Not at all. It makes a change from all the grinning fools who make up most of the men at these functions. ... You dance unusually well for a soldier."

He laughed shortly. "It was part of my training. Officers are expected to be able to hold their own in social settings. Just part of the course."

"Then you must have been an excellent student." They danced for a while longer without speaking. LeBlanc would have rested her head on his shoulder had she received the slightest indication that it would have been welcomed. Instead, he continued to lead her expertly through the complicated steps - very properly.

When the music stopped, he bowed to her and offered his arm. "Would you like to rest or shall we have another go?"

"Oh, let's dance, please. You are such an excellent partner I am reluctant to let you go." She was astonished to hear herself aping his formality.

"It is my pleasure, madam." He took her again in his arms as the first notes rose from the orchestra and she felt again the shock of excitement at the touch of his large, competent hand on her waist.

This time he drew her closer since the music signaled a slow, romantic dance. She nestled her cheek against his chest and so did not see the knowing smile which flickered across his lips. The length of his body pressed against her and her suddenly sensitized skin felt every inch of him and melted into his embrace.

She could smell the clean scent which rose from his skin - a mixture of amber and that intoxicating indefinable fragrance of maleness. He was firm against her, steady and supportive. She felt as though she was enchanted, dancing effortlessly as one might move in a dream. He was all she had hoped and more; she was seized by a demanding desire for him, a desire she had not felt in longer than she wished to remember. All at once, she was eager for the entertainment to be over and the real pleasure of the evening to begin. Her breath came short and saliva flowed freely in her mouth.

Nooj must have sensed something for he stroked his lips across her forehead, murmuring nonsense syllables against the skin. She gasped and held him more tightly as their steps slowed and they swayed together at the edge of the floor.

Without asking, he steered her out onto the adjacent balcony which was empty of other people. Once shielded from prying eyes by the lush night blooming plants which adorned the place, he turned her in his arms and kissed her. Her lips opened at his insistence and she sucked his tongue into a twisting embrace with her own. She slid the strap of her gown off her shoulder and offered her bare breast to his touch. His fingers grasped the nipple and manipulated it as she pressed her hips into his groin, feeling his arousal.

"Is this what you want?" He asked hoarsely, bending his head to her breast and seizing the hardened nipple in his teeth.

"Yes! Yes!" She clutched his head to her, her hands laced into his hair. "Come home with me."

He continued to caress her for an eternal moment, baring her other breast and stimulating the second nipple. She cried out in passionate moans. "I need you. Now!"

Nooj reached inside her skirt and slipped first one then two fingers inside her moist vulva. He found the clitoris with his thumb and stroked the nubbin until she exploded in a climax which left her limp and panting in his arms. "Nooj! Take me home."

He gently helped her regain her balance and rearranged her clothes as best he could. He could do nothing about the wrinkles in the fabric and the disorder of her hair. When she was reasonably presentable again, he stepped back a pace or so, pulling a snowy handkerchief from his pocket and meticulously cleaning his hands before dropping the fabric over the edge of the railing to the earth below.

"I must regretfully decline, my dear. I have a previous engagement tonight which cannot be broken. Believe me, I would greatly prefer your suggestion but duty summons me." He bowed deeply. "Would you like me to escort you back to the ballroom or would you rather have some time to yourself?"

LeBlanc stiffened with dismay. She ran her fingers through her hair to tuck iti into place. "No. I will stay here for a while. You must, of course, attend to your duties. Thank you for your courtesy." She almost giggled. Courtesy was a new word for what he had done. Her legs were still shaky and she leaned against the balustrade. "Are you not needing release for yourself?"

"Thank you but no." He swept back the edges of his jacket so that she could see there was no sign of the excitment she thought she had detected.

"Was that something else you learned in your training?" She tried for a brittle bravado.

"Self control is greatly valued in my profession." With another bow, Nooj turned and returned to the ballroom, his short dress cape swirling about his broad shoulders, his attitude providing no clue to what had happened on the balcony.

When she felt ready to go back inside, LeBlanc saw no sign of him and assumed he had left. However she did see Aquelev surreptitiously moving away from the area. So that was why Nooj had showed no hesitation in doing what he had done. His friend was guarding against any interruption. She flushed painfully and wondered if she would be able to ever face the Al Bhed again. The thought was surprisingly distressing; she had liked the man and looked forward to doing business with him. He was witty and amusing.

She looked around until she located Logos who, as usual, was carefully watching in case she needed him. She beckoned discreetly and he was at her side.

"Do you have your memorandum book with you?"

"Of course, ma'am." The thin man squinted his eyes with an even greater display of obsequiousness. He drew the little leather-bound book from his pocket.

"Set this down. Nooj, Captain in the Crusaders. Now I want you to find out where he is stationed and for how long. And I want the information yesterday." She snapped her fan briskly.

"Yes, ma'am. Immediately." Logos saluted and gestured for Ormi to take over the duty of attending LeBlanc. When he was sure everything was in order, he loped quckly from the building, on his way to complete his task.

-X-

The cadet she took to her bed that night was, predictably, unsatisfactory. She sent him away before she slept, preferring her memories of the encounter on the balcony to the presence of the obsequious boy who tried too hard to please. Afterward, she heard he had been greatly relished by the Fem-Goons in residence as well as by one of the Dr. Goons who just happened to be hanging around.

9


	2. Chapter 2

7/6/07

**Chapter Two - The Game's Afoot**

The next morning, after bathing and breakfasting, LeBlanc seated herself behind her wide desk on the second floor of her mansion and summoned Logos to deliver his report. She had no doubt that her clever servant had managed to collect realms of data for her inspection. He was uniquely skilled at such tasks. During the night her determination to have the man, Nooj, had only increased. She was unused to being thwarted and had set her intentions on bringing him to her bed. As she was leaving the gala last night, she had sent Ormi secretly to retrieve the handkerchief the Captain had so contemptuously tossed away and now touched the cleavage at her breast where she had tucked it when she dressed a while ago. It was her amulet, the token of her will to succeed.

A quick glance at her daily calender reminded her that she had an appointment at three o'clock with the merchant Aquelev. It seemed the day was to be a constant series of events to keep the last evening's encounter at the front of her mind. Oh well, she doubted that she would think about much else anyway.

A diffident throat-clearing sound made her look up. Logos was standing before her desk, a sheaf of papers in his hands.

"Well, what've you found out?" he asked impatiently.

"The officer in question is most interesting, madam. He is becoming well known in the army and is considered the most promising of the current crop of junior officers. He is billeted at the Crusader headquarters building near the harbour and will be in the city for at least another week and perhaps longer. His superiors are evaluating him and his abilities and are trying to make the most efficient use of his talents in the most effective position."

LeBlanc smiled inwardly. She could think of a perfect place for his talents to serve quite satisfactorily. "And what else did you find out?"

"He is said to be almost supernaturally brave and daring. He always takes the lead in battle even though his rank would permit him to stay toward the rear. For this reason, he is called the Deathless. Soldiers, they're a superstitious lot, have the idea he is protected by some powerful spirits who keep him safe when those on all sides of him are killed or wounded. They count it lucky to be led by one so blessed. His men will follow him into the FarPlane itself. He's an expert swordsman and when he takes the high ground, he is invincible - so they say."

"Does he have any flaws, this demi-god? Surely, he's not all that perfect."

"He's very grim and nobody dares try to get too close. They say his best friend is an Al Bhed he met on the Mi'ihen Highroad. He's also self-centered and can be very cruel. Some of the things I heard about how he has treated thieves and bandits are too bloody for your ears. To balance that, he's fanatically loyal to his own companions and has never been known to break his word."

"You're picked up more than I thought you could. Well done. I can always count on you to figure out what I need to know."

Logos ducked his head in confusion. "It was easy, ma'am. Once you get any one of those Crusaders talking about the Captain (you'd think they only had one), he just won't stop. It seems they've made him a sort of ideal for what they all want to be. He's like a banner they carry waving in front of them. Sorry, ma'am, I didn't mean to run on like that." He clumsily handed her the thick stack of papers he had been holding. "I printed it all out for you."

"Thank you, Logos. You must've been up all night getting all this in order. You're a good man and I appreciate you."

"You said you needed it and I was happy to oblige." The lanky man shuffled his feet. "He sounds like a most acceptable suitor, if I may say so."

She graced him with one of her radiant smiles. "We'll see. I'm going to ask him to dinner soon and we'll see how it goes. Sit down over there while I go over these notes you made. I may need some clarification."

Logos marched to the line of chairs ranged against the far wall and sat down - at attention.

LeBlanc had trained her servants to research thoroughly and fairly and had trained herself to listen carefully and read thoughtfully. She concentrated on the print-out, shutting out all distractions.

"Logos," she said slowly. "I note you said his troops called him "Deathless"; here you have written "Undying". Which is it?"

"The two words have nearly the same meaning in the military," he answered. 'But ... there is another term I heard applied once or twice and was hesitant to include."

"And that was?"

"Some called him Deathseeker, ma'am."

"I've heard that word. It's not a compliment, as I recall." 

"No ma'am. It refers to a follower of a cult - a sort of underground group - which holds death to be better than life and whose members are sworn to give their lives for Spira without fear or doubt. They are a fanatical crew, I hear and, as you might expect, die young. I'm not sure if this Captain is really one of them. Do you want me to keep hunting?"

"Yes, that would be a good idea. I need to know what's there before I invest too much time and expense." She turned her attention again to the document before her. "No sense getting mixed up with somebody who'd rather die than ..." Her voice trailed off.

She finished her reading and tapped the mass of papers against her desk in order to square them. "Thank you, Logos. You've done very well. There'll be a bonus for you this month. Now go see what you can find out about the Deathseeking. Let's hope it's just a rumour."

The thin man stood, blushing with pleasure. "Glad to be of service, ma'am. I'll get right on it."

In the empty office, LeBlanc let her fingers trail across the report as though stroking the person of the man it described. She sighed as she relived the incidents of the night before in painstaking detail. Only when she reached the point at which he so fastidiously discarded the handkerchief she now treasured in her bosom did she feel a spurt of indignation. How dare he? Then she thought again. She had not know many men so cat-like clean and found it oddly touching and endearing. She must be sure to tell him about the elaborate bathing arrangement in her hotel. That might prove to be a major part of the perfect lure.

Smiling to herself, she started the scenario again. It was all she had until she could cast her bait and draw him in. Then they would see who won the game.

-X-

After a lunch to which she did not do justice and a short restless nap, LeBlanc prepared to welcome Aquelev. She was nervous about facing him, fearing that Nooj had almost certainly told him what had happened last night on the balcony. Maybe not; Nooj was not very talkative and not all men felt they had to publicize their amatory exploits.

On the one hand, Aquelev had clearly been guarding the balcony from ill-timed intrusions. On the other hand, there was no real reason to think he knew Nooj had succeeded in his designs - unless he knew Nooj always succeeded in what he set out to do.

Her fruitless fretting was cut short by the appearance of the Al Bhed himself. He walked briskly across the room, his right hand outstretched, his strange pupils swirling wildly, a briefcase bouncing off his leg.

She eyed him carefully to see if he betrayed any suggestion of knowledge he should not have.

"Madam LeBlanc, how good to see you again. Are you well today?"

"Quite well. And you, sir?"

"I'm rejoicing in your climate with the sea breezes and all and looking forward to making both of us richer today." He laughed lightly and gracefully took the seat she indicated. There was nothing in his attitude which indicated he knew about the incident on the balcony. So maybe Nooj had not spoken out of turn. She relaxed.

"What are you in need of?" She steepled her long fingers under her chin and beamed at him. "We, here in the Syndicate, and I especially as its Head, pride ourselves in being able to produce the most unlikely materiel immediately. I'm sure you'll find we can provide you with whatever you're looking for. It's not for nothing we're the most reliable service on the planet."

Some time later, after a great deal of refreshing haggling which they both enjoyed very much, Aquelev tucked his copies of the signed contracts into his case and prepared to rise.

"Thank you for a pleasant and profitable afternoon. It has been a privilege to deal with a first class business mind. I foresee many more mutually advantageous encounters in our futures."

LeBlanc swept her copies into her top desk drawer and turned the lock. "We understand one another very well, my friend. Don't go yet. Come on down to the salon and let's toast our first successful dealings in a proper manner like civilized people. It's my habit to get to know my best business partners on a more personal basis. Friendship lubricates commerce, that's what I always tell my people. I have one of the best cellars in the city and would just love to show you what I can provide if you need social supplies as well as military materiel."

"I would be delighted." He bowed in the old fashioned way.

Once settled in the cozy confines of the ground-floor salon with glasses of some of the finest wine available on the planet in their hands, they prepared to cement their relationship.

"So you are handling most of the supplies for the main army? You certainly know your stuff but I'm curious to hear how you got past that stupid bias so many of the top officers and priests have against the Al Bhed. How'd you pull it off?" She looked over the rim of her glass with genuine curiosity.

Aquelev made a dramatic gesture with his free hand. "Through the good offices of my friend, the Captain I introduced you to last night. He has more influence than his years would suggest and can pull more strings than you might be willing to believe." She eyed him narrowly, but he still gave no hint that he was aware of any deeper connection she might have with Nooj.

"Oh. He is impressive but I had no idea... Have you known him long?" She feigned idle curiosity although the beating of her pulse nearly deafened her.

"Long enough. I've seen him fight. Once he took out three bandits all by himself, armed only with a dagger." Aquelev was ever eager to spin a tale to a fresh audience.

"Wasn't that awfully risky for him? Is he trying to get himself killed?" She held her breath waiting for the answer.

"Not really. He's just crazy brave and thinks he can do anything. He's still young enough to believe he's immortal."

"Men are like that." She smiled and flicked her fan. "Would you and he like to come here to dinner tomorrow night? We can talk about courage and foolishness." She winked. "And all the rest of the things we know about the world. I can give you some information about places in the city you soldiers might find interesting. Not everything is public knowledge and I have sources."

"I would like that very much and will pass along your invitation. Thank you, you are entirely gracious."

"Will you also ask Chayeth? That way we'll be an even party." LeBlanc was quite proud of herself for making the offer. "She's a pretty little thing and looks like she could use some rest and recreation."

Aquelev chuckled. "I'll ask her but doubt she'll accept. She's pulling as much extra duty as she can trying to expedite her career. But I'll try." He spread his hands in a gesture of submission.

"Good. Here, let me pour you another glass of wine. I got this from an importer who owed me a favour. I can tell you how to trade favours here in Lucas. It might come in handy."

He shook his head and rose. "I've had as much as is good for me if I'm going to get anything else done this afternoon. I thank you for your hospitality and anticipate our next meeting."

"Be sure to let me know if I may expect you for dinner tomorrow night." She reminded him with an arch expression and a tap on his shoulder with her fan.

-X-

That evening, Logos came again to her office where she was finishing up her notes on the day's contracts and dealings. She looked up to find him standing before her desk, quivering with information.

"OK. What have you learned?" she asked with a twist of her lips, correctly interpreting his attitude. "Is he one of those crazies?"

"I went to the soldiers' tavern, the one I went to last night," he stuttered. "I steered the talk to the idea of Deathseekers. They told me - everybody I talked to - that the whole thing was just a legend. There might have been some Warriors who bragged about how ready they were to die but it was just loud mouths fishing for attention." He squared his shoulders and smiled tightly, sure this was news she wanted to hear.

"That was well done, Logos. You've served me well this week. Now I'm sure you're tired so you're dismissed until morning. Sleep well and be sure to lock the front door."

Just as he was opening the door, Logos was almost bowled over by the entrance of the circular Ormi. The rotund creature, moving with surprising speed, ignored the near collision and waddled to his leader, waving a white envelope.

"Madam! This just came! It's from that Al Bhed who was here this afternoon." He laid the envelope before her with all the pride of a fat cat presenting its owner with a fresh vole. "I brought it right here!"

"Yes, I can see that." LeBlanc lifted the missive and picked at the blob of wax sealing the flap.

It took her only a moment to read the enclosure. "Well, boys, we're going to have guests tomorrow night. Two gentlemen will be joining me for dinner. Pne of them is the Al Bhed who was here this afternoon so make sure the staff doesn't spit in his food. Ormi, go huddle with the cook and get a menu ready for me to approve in the morning. No. Wait a minute; I want you to take an answer to the man who sent this. Then you can see to the planning. Logos, you go on to bed."

She drew a sheet of her most formal paper from the drawer of the desk and quickly composed a reply to Aquelev. If she was disappointed that both men would be present, she did not reveal it by even the tilt of an eyebrow. It was a beginning and who could tell what the end result would be? First move to her. She hummed softly under her breath.

8


	3. Chapter 3

7/13/07

**Dinner**

**to be followed by Entertainment**

LeBlanc took particular care with her toilet the following evening. She had been edgily excited all day, unable to turn her mind to the complicated business in which her Syndicate was involved. She had reviewed the menu and had driven the cook to near mutiny by her frequent intrusions into his realm.

"There's a spot on this glass, you fool. Replace it at once." She hurled the offending item to the floor where it shattered into a rainbow of glittering shards.

"Sorry, ma'am. Yes, ma'am." Flunkies scurried to wipe and sweep and impose order.

"Did you decant the wine? It needs to breathe."

"Yes, ma'am." Ormi panted up to her side. "Yes, ma'am. Two bottles."

LeBlanc stood irresolute and glared around at the preparations. Finding no other errors immediately apparent, she tapped her toe on the floor, tapped her fan on her thigh and, with a sudden air of decision, made for the lift which would take her to her own rooms.

-X-

It was just before eight when the door bell rang. Logos made haste to respond. LeBlanc heard his unctuous voice.

"Welcome, sir. Madam is expecting you."

A single guest? She quickly moved into the reception room. To her astonishment, it was Nooj who stood on the threshold, clutching an elaborate bouquet. He was alone.

"Madam LeBlanc, Aquelev begs to present his apologies. He was inadvertently detained at the last minute. I hope this does not greatly inconvenience you."

LeBlanc paused to still the excited leaping of her heart. "Not at all. Of course, I'm sorry he's not coming but I understand you can't always command your own time these days."

"He asked me to give you these as a partial apology." He bowed and held out the flowers.

"Aren't they just lovely and they smell so fresh, like a spring day. Logos, put these in water at once. Now, Captain, will you join me in an aperitif? I have some creme de passionelle from Besaid. It's made from a fruit which doesn't grow anywhere else."

"It will be my pleasure. You are in great beauty tonight." He offered his arm.

"I love to hear the way they taught you officers to speak to women. Not many men have that kind of manners these days. You know, that makes you a treasure at a dinner party."

Nooj began wondering if he had made an error in coming here tonight. He did not remember her being so talkative the night they had met. Still, he reminded himself, the prospective end of the evening would be worth it - he hoped.

Conversation was lumpish at first but by the time they had progressed to the dinner table, alcohol had worked its usual magic and they were chattering like old friends. Somehow, during the same time, it had become accepted that Nooj would stay the night.

When the brandy had been dispatched and a golden glow of well-being suffused them both, he drew back her chair and helped her to her feet.

"Will you lead the way, LeBlanc?"

"With enthusiasm. It's just upstairs and down the corridor. You want to take the lift? It's faster." She swayed against him provocatively. Her voice was slightly slurred.

Once on the living floor of the tall building, she steered him to her suite and firmly closed the door.

As she turned into the room, Nooj caught her in his arms and kissed her deeply and passionately. She responded with all the excitement she had stored up during the day and guided his hands to the fastenings of her garment.

Without hesitation, he untied the laces which held her dinner gown in place. It pooled at her feet in a luminously lavendar heap. She stood like a goddess rising, clothed only in silken underpants, graceful and pliant.

"Now you; it's only fair." Her voice broke as she spoke.

With a smile, he submitted to her. She unhooked the braided cord which secured his dress cape and with a playful swirl laid it on the bench beneath the window. The sword belt and the ceremonial weapon quickly followed. Then his tunic. As she slid the garment off his shoulders, she gasped.

"Your back - it's all scarred."

"Yes, I know."

"Why?"

"Part of the discipline during my training. I did some stupid things."

"And they beat you like this? The punishment's too harsh! Oh, your poor back." She traced the raised welts with her finger-tips, a sypathetic sob in her voice.

"It taught me not to do stupid things." He looked deeply into her eyes. "It's worth it to realize that actions have consequences. You can't afford to make mistakes when you're leading an army. Innocent people pay for their officer's errors."

She gently stroked the marks again. "I wish I could kiss them gone. You must have suffered so much."

"Others had it worse. Don't get all upset about it. It's a part of my life and I'm past it."

She drew his head against her and held it there for a long time before giving a little shake and letting herself slide down to his feet, reaching out for his booted leg, her unfettered breasts bouncing saucily. He stretched out a hand to tweak her nipple and she inhaled deeply, her face flushing with passion.

"Your boot, sir."

""It's been a long time since I've had to take off my own boots, not since I was a student. We always have batmen to do these things in camp." He extended a long leg for her attention. She spun herself on the floor and ran a hand up the gleaming leather before grasping the boot at the ankle and tugging. The boot came off without warning, sending her sprawling. They laughed together as she crept back and pulled off the second one with more care.

When he was on equal footing with her - clothing wise - they paused for an interval of mutual exploration which led quite naturally to the final divesting.

LeBlanc posed, proud and naked as a finger, between his thighs. He turned her slowly, filling his eyes with her beauty, stroking her smoothness, and inhaling the perfume of her skin. Satisfied with his examination, he pulled her to his lap and took possession of her mouth in a deep and lingering kiss.

Still holding him in the kiss, she undid the final buttons and helped him push off the snugly fitting breeches. Her fingers traced downwards and encountered ...

Her eyes grew round as saucers and she tore herself away from his embrace and looked at what she had uncovered. Leaning back in startled dismay, she stuttered, "I ... I didn't expect. I'm not sure. No. I can't ... there's too much ..."

His brow darkened and he thrust her back on the bed, caging her with his arms, his body looming over her like a blow about to fall. ""Madam, you have been insistent in bidding me to your bed. Now I am here and you will accommodate me one way or the other. Decide - and quickly - will it be on your back or on your knees?" There was no doubting his seriousness.

She stretched her head back and opened her legs more widely. "This," she murmured, closing her eyes to stop the tears which had formed from trickling down her face.

"I'll try to make it as easy for you as I can but you must learn, as I did, that actions have consequences and not always the ones you expect. Now guide me." His voice had become gentle and caring again. "It'll hurt less if you can relax."

She placed her finger tips on his organ and with careful motions directed him in the proper path.

"Take a deep breath." He instructed her as he began his entry. "It'll soon be over and you'll get past the pain to the pleasure. I promise."

He continued to push steadily and slowly, pausing from time to time to let her body adjust to the invasion. She tried not to cry and succeeded for the most part as she shifted her fingers and her hips to best accept him. When he was a bit more than half-way to his goal, he took her hands and pulled them above her head, capturing both wrists in a single grip. Then he bent to seize her lips with his own and plunge his tongue deeply into her mouth. As he felt her respond to the kiss, he thrust smoothly and vigorously home. She cried out but soon quietened, an expression of wonder in her eyes.

"All of you?" She squirmed a little.

"All of me." He assured her with a grin. "See, it wasn't so bad." He shifted his position so that the shaft of his penis lay more directly against her clitoris. She responded with a move which pressed them even more closely together. When he began to rock, slowly at first and then with increasing speed, she matched him stroke for stroke until she finally arched into him and exploded into a frenzy of pulsations which shook her like a willow in a storm.

When she could speak again, she looked up at him as though he was a supernatural being. "How did you know?"

"I'm not a virgin," he replied, murmuring into her damply curling hair. "Now, get ready to learn what a real orgasm feels like."

"If it's more than I just had, I don't know if I can bear it." Yet, she moved lasciviously against his continued hardness.

"I have confidence in you," he said dryly as he began his rhythmic rocking again.

She lifted her legs and clasped his hip with her knees, her hands braced on his shoulders. "Yes, yes. Don't ever stop." A flush spread across her chest and up to her cheeks as her desire began mounting.

Instead of answering her in words, he kissed her again, crushing her lips against his teeth before tasting the sweetness of her tongue coiling with his own. She clung ever more closely to him, blending her pliancy with his strength as her senses began to reel again with excitement.

He felt her approaching another climax and became still. "Not yet, lady. I'm not done with you yet." There was more laughter than threat in his voice.

"Yes, my lord. As you wish." She choked out the words with effort, cupping her breasts with her hands and lifting them toward him.

He took first one nipple, then the other between his teeth and nibbled gently, sending her body near the edge again. When she had calmed, he resumed his movements bringing her back to the point of tipping. So it continued - over and over until she was pleading for release.

"Do you feel sufficiently pleasured, dear lady?" he asked with soft sincerity.

"Yes, yes, yes. How do you do this? Don't you have any needs?" She writhed under his weight.

"Oh, you'll see soon enough." He withdrew almost his entire length and plunged deeply forward like a sword ringing into its sheath.

She achieved her shattering climax, her body dissolving into one great mass of quivering pulsing as she shouted out her wild joy. On his final inward stroke, he permitted himself to come as well, filling her with his ejaculate and collapsing with panting exhaustion on her breast.

LeBlanc felt him beginning to slip from her and reached desperately to contain him. "Don't leave me. I want you to stay."

Nooj lay beside her, a bemused smile on his face. "I'm glad I met your expectations and didn't disappoint you. Now we both need some rest."

"You will be here tomorrow night?" She peered intently into his face, her brow creased with worry. "This can't be the only time..."

He cupped his large hand around her mons. "You're bruised and the next time will be painful, much more so than tonight. Are you sure you want me to return?"

She placed her small hand over his and pressed his grip more tightly against her sensitive parts. "Yes, in fact I don't want you to leave. I wish we could just stay her with you filling me forever."

He propped himself up on his elbow and laid his other hand along her face. "You understand I'll expect more from you tomorrow?"

"Whatever you want. Just be here." She kissed his palm. "I've got an idea. Bring some clothes and what else you need and stay here while you're still in Luca. It's not much farther from here to your headquarters than it is from where you're living now."

He thought. "That might be a good idea. But you'd better see how you feel tomorrow - both physically and emotionally. You're a little drunk on passion right now and your mind may not be working the way it should. By tomorrow I may be the last person you want around you." His concerned expression took the sting from his words. "Now rest. You need sleep, my sweet one."

He gathered her in his arms, soothing her with long stroking carresses until he could tell from her steady breathing that she slept. Content with the night's activities, Nooj let himself drift off, his fingers tangled in her chrysanthemum hair.

-X-

The next night, she knelt before him and offered him the tribute he most enjoyed. During the act, he patiently and gently tutored her on those techniques which gave him the most stisfaction.

It was something she had never been willing to do for any of her other lovers, but such was her bewitchment with Nooj that she willingly, eagerly did whatever he asked. His climax came as a reward for her.

"Did you like it?" She murmured against him as he lay breathing deeply, a gratified smile on his face.

"You were wonderful. Sure you haven't done it before?" He teased her with a lazy arch of his brow.

"Nope. First time ever. And I love to give you pleasure. As much as I love you giving me pleasure. Every part of your body is delicious and perfect to me." She trailed her tongue down his smooth chest, nibbling at the skin. He laughed weakly and cupped her buttocks.

When he had regained his powers and they moved to the next scene, his entry caused her to cry out in pain - as he had predicted.

"I warned you. Want me to stop?" He hesitated and gently kissed her brow.

"No." She insisted. "I can take it and I want to feel what I did last night." She clenched her jaw and pulled him toward her. "I want you."

"You have courage, my love. I'll try not to make you sorry." He sucked at her breast and heard the sharp intake of her breath and felt her open to him.

In the nights which followed, he proved himself to be an inventive and considerate lover.

"This is supposed to go where?" She stared at the object he offered for her inspection. "I've never seen anything like it."

"Then you must have had nothing but dull lovers before I showed up. Try it; I promise you it'll increase your pleasure more than you would believe possible."

She looked at him dubiously, raising one brow. "You've been right about everything else, so OK." She turned over on her stomach and waited.

They had five nights together. Nights of pleasure and laughter and adventure. All thoughts of war or Sin were submerged in the delight of discovering new and enticing things to do with their bodies. Aside from a few required meetings which Nooj reluctantly attended, they spent their time exploring the realms of the senses and growing more skilled with one another every hour.

In the midst of one of their games, he caught her up in his arms and burst out, "LeBlanc, I think I love you." There was a sudden silence as though time itself had stopped and the world was holding its breath.

"Say it again! Darling Nooj, say it again." She wrapped her arms around his broad chest and burrowed against him as though she would make them one in actuality.

"I think I love you." It was a whisper this time, hesitant then with more certainty. "I love you." He held her firmly and rested his cheek on the top of her head. "I love you."

"Then I am complete," she sang. "I will never ask for anything else."

9


	4. Chapter 4

7/19/07

**What Dreams May Come**

They had five nights together. On the morning after the first night, Nooj

went into Luca to report to Crusader headquarters and gather what he would need to move into LeBlanc's home for his remaining time in the city. While there, he met Aquelev for a drink at The Drop, a quiet bar not far from the center of town. The proprietor, an attractive female named RyRy, made sure her customers enjoyed both privacy and excellent service.

"Just what are you up to?" the Al Bhed asked, wiping foam off his upper lip. They had downed a couple of refreshing beverages and Nooj had explained his errand. "You've never lived with one of your women before."

Nooj who was drinking wine, lifted his glass in a mocking salute. "It's comfortable there; the food's good and I'm bored sitting around headquarters waiting for the commanders to decide what to do with me. I can check in from my new digs and when they make up their minds, I can get there fast enough."

Aquelev looked out of the corner of his eye. "You sure that's the reason? ... Don't hit me!" He laughingly raised his palms in a defensive gesture. "I know you're a one-woman-at-a-time man but you don't usually ... Isn't this kind of sudden? You've only seen her twice."

"All right, all right. We enjoy each other. She's ... she's... We suit each other." Nooj flushed and closed his lips firmly.

"Always the gentleman." Aquelev laid a calming hand on his friend's sleeve. "You don't have to explain. If it makes you happy, do it."

The younger man nodded and took a healthy swallow of his drink. "It's a little more than that. I like her, quite a lot. She's beautiful and agreeable and brave and I can relax around her."

"My friend, that's all you really need. Enjoy your good fortune. She's a smart one too. You could do a lot worse."

"I know. We talk about more things than you might think. She listens and understands. When you introduced us I thought she was just ... you know, a party animal like all the others. But she's not." He sounded surprised. "Warriors don't make plans for the future but if things were different..."

"Don't pretend. I know what you are and have never stopped hoping you would grow past it. If LeBlanc can give you the incentive to make some changes, I'm all for it. Hell, I'd move you into her place myself."

Nooj laughed a little wildly. "Don't go imagining things. I'm still me. This is just a sort of time out when I can stop being so much me. She's comfortable to be around; that's all."

"As you say." Aquelev smiled with a certain smugness and tapped his stein against the other's glass. "Well, here's to a long and pleasant holiday from reality. May it become more real than the real real."

"I think you are just the slightest bit drunk." Nooj raised a finger to summon the barmaid for refills.

-X-

They had five nights together. LeBlanc stretched out on her bed the morning after the third night. He had said he loved her. That made everything different. He was a Warrior and subject to being called to battle at any moment. But once Sin was defeated again and another Calm was in place, he could settle into the powerful role of a senior commander in the peacetime army. As a ranking officer in the Crusaders, he would be secure and influencial. What a team they could make! He could steer business her way and she could entertain his chiefs and charm them into helping his career. In their pillow talk, she had learned they agreed on most things and could compromise on the few differences. He loved her and that made anything possible. When the Calm came, she would suggest they take vows together. She was sure he wouldn't refuse. He was the perfect partner for her in every way. What fun they would have, with her dominating the commercial world as he was about to dominate the military one. With a controlling interest in two areas of importance on Spira - they would be unstoppable, a juggernaut. She hugged herself and smiled. All that and the nights as well. She let her thoughts drift into the memory of what they had done during the past few hours before the dawn had come. She giggled.

-X-

They had five nights together. On the evening before the fourth night, they sat before the wide windows and watched the sun set over Luca. The tall towers reared in shimmering gold above the darkness which crept across the city, creating a spectacle of great beauty.

"I've never been so happy." LeBlanc curled up against him on the couch.

"Things going well with the business?" He nuzzled her, blowing into her hair.

"Yes, that too. Aquelev came by while you were out today and placed a huge order for all sorts of materiel."

"I'm not surprised. There's been some rumours that a big operation is coming."

She sprang away from his enclosing arm. "An operation? Will you have to go?"

He pulled her back down to his side. "Don't know yet. I may. But don't get upset. This sort of thing generally doesn't last long. We go out, do what we're told to do, try to keep our troops safe - then we come back and wait for the next alarm. Maybe this time, we've finally figured out how to kill Sin without sacrificing a Summoner. Wouldn't that be worth doing?"

"Better a Summoner than you." She snuffled and wiped her eyes.

Nooj laughed softly. "Not to worry. Haven't you heard I'm indestructible? Now tell me how Aquelev's coming along and how the rest of your day went. This is the most beautiful and peaceful time of the day. Let's not waste it." He pressed her head against his shoulder.

-X-

They had five nights together. That was all. LeBlanc had expected at least seven and had hoped for more. Under his attentions, she had become calmer, more confident and at ease, less prone to nervous chatter and was flourishing - both in her business dealings and in her private life. She was more content than ever before in her life and she could feel the stillness and satisfaction in him as well.

Then, on the fifth night, when they lay coiled together on the wide bed, Nooj said bluntly, "I'm needed for that major offensive I mentioned a day or so ago. My love, I'm sorry, but I have to leave in the morning."

"No!" she gasped. "It's too soon. I won't let you go! You can't!" She burst into a torrent of tears, clutching him to her as if her will alone could forestall the inevitable. "No! You can't!"

He gently trapped her hands in his and kissed the writhing fingers. "I must. I'm a Warrior, you knew that from the first. I go where I'm told when I'm told to go."

"Why didn't you tell me before?" She struggled to free herself. "You could've warned me."

"I just learned I was going this afternoon. I thought we'd have one more bout of pleasure before we talked about these things. Love, I didn't want to spoil things tonight of all nights."

"When will you come back? How long will it take?" Her tone had become petulant like that of a child disappointed by an indulgent parent. His soothing words were having their usual effect.

"I don't know, probably not long but war doesn't keep to a schedule. I promise I'll come back as soon as I can. I don't want to be away from you; you know that perfectly well. Now, let's not ruin these last hours. Come here and let me love you." He gathered here into his embrace and kissed her temple tenderly.

-X-

In the morning, he was gone. She had followed him down to the street and kissed him there in front of the amused on-lookers then linked her fingers with his until contact was broken and he was gone, swaggering away like the Warrior he was.

Life continued although it was dull and flavourless to LeBlanc. She sought the familiar savour in her business and in the round of parties to which she was bidden every night. But the money was meaningless and the galas boring. She found herself always looking for a tall figure with elaborate hair and no other man existed for her.

A week passed, then another. She did not hear from him. He had warned her he would be away from means of communication most of the time and would send word when he could. Little news came from the battle front at all. There would be a spurt of dispatches reporting the sighting of Sin and the efforts to trap the monster and defeat it and then long stretches of ominous quiet. Waiting was the only option and it was maddening.

LeBlanc never forgot the moment when she heard the news. The time and the place were burned into her memory. She was just coming down the stairs to dinner when Logos burst through the front door, bringing with him the sound of confused voices and a blast of overheated air.

"Madam! Madam! He's hurt!" There could only be one "he".

She reeled and had to catch the newel post to prevent falling the last few steps. At first, her mind would not process the words. Nooj hurt, how? Not dead, not dead - hurt. What did it mean? Slowly, she let herself slide down, sinking to crouch on the stairs, leaning against the railings. Her head was still spinning and her eyes were focused on nothing.

"Ormi! Get your fat ass in here!" Logos ran across the room to his stricken leader. "Madam! Boss! Are you all right!" He bent over the trembling woman. "He's alive! They're bringing him to Luca! He'll be here; he's alive."

LeBlanc looked up in Logos' worried eyes. "Where is he? What are you saying?"

He knelt before her, wanting to help but afraid to touch her. "I just heard he was wounded. I don't know anything else. They said they were bringing him here to the hospital."

"Here?" Her eyes were puzzled. It was as though words conveyed no meaning to her mind.

"To Luca. Here to the big hospital. It's the best one on Spira."

"What's going on?" Ormi rushed into the room with surprising speed for one of his size and shape.

"Captain Nooj's been hurt and they're bringing him here." Logos snapped at his friend.

"Here? To this house?" The short, stout man was surprised.

"No. Not here, you idiot. To Luca, to the hospital."

"Oh. Are we supposed to do anything?"

"Help Madam up and get her to the couch. It's been a shock for her."

"OK. Ma'am, here - lean on me." He put his sturdy shoulder to her side and pulled her arm over it so that he could support her to a more suitable resting place. "There you go. I'll go get some water."

"No. Bring me a brandy, some of that stuff from Kilika. And one of you fools go down to the hospital and find out if he's there yet. Ask everybody you can find everything you can think of. See if he can come here to recuperate." Her voice rose to a shriek. "Oh for Yevon's sake, find out what happened, how badly he's wounded. Find out everything. I have to know!"

Logos immediately snapped to attention, saluted and hastened out the door. Ormi made way to the dining room to fetch brandy and some fruit. Fruit was always useful. LeBlanc lay back on the couch, her forearm over her eyes, nightmare images of her lover torn and bleeding filling her mental vision.

-X-

LeBlanc presented herself at the office of the hospital governer early the next morning. The information Logos and Ormi had been able to gather had been scant and unsatisfactory. Yes, Nooj had been admitted to the establishment and, yes, he was still alive. However, no further details about his injuries or current condition were available. There was an unprecedented secrecy being maintained - one which frightened the woman. So she had come to see for herself what was going on.

"LeBlanc! How good to see you." Giffen rose from his throne-like chair behind the wide, shining expanse of his desk and advanced to greet her with both hands outstretched. "I've been meaning to call on you to thank you for your generosity to this establishment."

She smiled. "I'm happy to help with your good work. You make Luca a better city to live in for all of us."

"What can I do for you today?" He led her to the couch near the windows and sat down beside her.

LeBlanc lowered her head, coquettishly, and dimpled. "I've come to ask a favour. I hear you have a very special patient here - the Crusader Captain Nooj." She blushed prettily. "He and I have a - relationship..." She looked up from under her fluttering lashes.

"Dear lady! I had no idea," Giffen expostulated. "Accept my best wishes and my sympathy for his injuries."

"Well, now that you understand how it is, what can you tell me about him? And may I see him"

"I'm afraid we're under a 'no visitors' order. But I can tell you he's alive and we expect him to stay that way." He patted her hand paternally.

"But how badly was he hurt? When will he be discharged from here? Can he recuperate at my hotel? I can bring in whatever equipment and people he'll need. No problems. I can set up a sort of mini-hospital on my third floor and do almost anything you can do here. Will you let me do that?"

"It's much too soon to talk about that, my dear." He kept vigorously patting her hand. "His injuries are extensive and we're going to need some time to get him to the point where we know just what has to be done for the best outcome."

"Tell me what happened to him. I need to know how badly he's hurt. Stop trying to put me off like this. I'm not a child; I can hear the truth. Please, I have to know." She pulled back her hand and clenched it into a fist in her lap. Tears began leaking from her eyes, whether tears of distress or anger was impossible to discern. "I have to know. Is he still Nooj? Let me see him!"

The governor sat silently for a long while. "Very well, I'll bend the rules for you because of your relationship with him. You can see him but you can't go into the room. He's heavily sedated and wouldn't know you were there anyway."

"But I can see him?"

Giffen nodded. "You can look through the window into the room where he's resting. Will that do?"

She wiped the back of her hand across her eyes and smiled tremulously. "You're so kind to a poor frightened woman. I knew I could count on your friendship and courtesy."

The Comprehensive Treatment Section (CTS) was the pride of the Lucan Central Hospital. It consisted of a dozen wedge-shaped private rooms ranged around a central nursing station where specially trained professionals kept careful watch over the most seriously ill or injured patients from all over Spira.

Wide glassed-in windows opening into each room provided an overall view so that any change could be instantly noted and the read-outs on the various monitoring devices could be seen without entering the room itself. Physical Healers and Senior White Mages moved briskly about the area, each trailed by a retinue of students and assistants.

Giffen gently steered LeBlanc through the organized chaos to a position on the far left side of the entrance. "He's in here. I can let you stay here for ten minutes at the most. Civilians aren't usually allowed on this floor."

She walked as close to the window as she could. Nooj was lying on a narrow bed, slightly turned away from the opening. His eyes were closed and his face was swollen and marked with dark bruises and fiery scrapes and burns. There were bandages on his temple and beneath his right eye. Still he was recognizable even though his skin was sallow and greenish against the white of the pillow. As she continued to look hungrily, it seemed as though he was both familiar and a stranger. The driving vitality, the lively intelligence which defined him was absent. In its place she saw a slackness, an emptiness which was alien to her. Then she realized his thick mane was gone, replaced by a ragged fringe of hair which barely covered his ears.

"What happened to his hair?" She did not know why it seemed important to know the answer to that question. There was so much else to ask about.

"Part of it was burned off and some we cut so we could treat his wounds."

She examined him more carefully. There was something wrong about the way his body lay under the white sheet. His left side was oddly flat. She pointed and tried to form a query.

The governor put a supportive arm around her shoulders. "Be strong, dear LeBlanc. His left arm is gone from the shoulder and most of his left leg was taken as well. It's not as bad as it seems. He's alive and strong and we can do something to help. That's what we're working on right now. We don't want to wake him up until we can tell him what's going to happen."

"No. No. That can't be true. That didn't happen. How will he manage with only one arm and one leg? You have to be mistaken. What really happened?" She choked out the words with a gagging sound.

"He was holding off the monster while his unit ran for their lives and Sin caught him in a blast and ... well, that's what did it. He's lucky to be alive, you know. Most men would have been dead before they hit the ground. He's a strong one with a strong heart."

"I have to go to him. He's going to need me. He can't do for himself without both arms and legs. I have to see if it's true and help him. Let me stay with him." She clung to the man's shirt and begged.

"We have to keep him in a sterile atmosphere while the wounds are open and unhealed. I know you don't want to make things worse. I promise as soon as it's safe for him, I'll send you word and you can be with him as much as you want." Giffen stroked her back and spoke into her hair.

"Will you tell me what you decide to do? Will you keep me informed about how he's doing? What are you planning?"

"We're thinking about a lot of alternatives. The Al Bhed have some ideas and some new approaches to this sort of thing. He's a hero and we're going to do our best for him; we owe him. Right now, nothing's decided but I'll make sure you're not left in the dark. You have my word. Come now, we have to go." He turned her toward the exit.

"Just one more moment." LeBlanc looked over her shoulder and tried to memorize the way he looked. He was alive. He was alive. Past that, nothing else mattered.

-X-

That night LeBlanc threw herself onto the bed which seemed so empty without him and wept. Her mind's eye saw him as she had last seen him, helpless and unaware on the narrow cot with the sheet drawn up to his chin.

Suddenly she sat upright, startled. Had Giffen lied to her? Was he truly alive? She forced her memory to recreate the picture in more detail. Had she, herself, seen his chest rise and fall with his breathing? Did his eyes move beneath the closed lids? Then reason reasserted itself. There would be no point in keeping a corpse in one of those rooms in such high demand with all those complicated and expensive devices keeping tabs on every system. It was foolish to indulge in such fancies.

Then she pictured him as he had been, lying on this bed at her side. His large gentle hands exploring her body, tracing the flow of her curves. She stroked her breasts and between her legs with her own hands, imagining they were his but it was no use. She ached for him physically but even more for the assurance of his low voice, telling her she was beautiful and that he loved her. She wept past her supply of tears, mourning what he had been and what they had been together.

She wanted to get up and scream at the indifferent fate which had done this to them after so short a time of happiness. Only five days. The unfairness of their loss was not bearable. Her fists clenched until her nails cut into her soft palms and she bled like a stigmatist. Only pain could relieve pain as she silently railed against the images assaulting her in the darkness. She fell into sudden sleeps as exhaustion overwhelmed her, only to be wakened by dreams in which he appeared, torn apart and shambling, a lurching corpse.

She repeated incessantly the mantra "He still lives". And yet the nightmares rode her until the windows began to show the first traces of light. Only then did she finally drop over the precipice of sleep like one who walks willingly off a cliff into nothingness. When Logos came with her morning tea to rouse her, he found her half off the bed, her tear-smeared face turned to the wall and quietly slipped away again. 

11


	5. Chapter 5

7/30/07

**That Which Endures**

For six days LeBlanc waited. Then the letter from Giffen came. After an excessively effusive salutation, it began:

_I promised to keep you informed as to the decisions made and progress accomplished in the case of the Captain we were discussing. _

_With the co-operation of the Al Bhed engineers and surgeons who volunteered their services, we undertook to implant the latest servo-enabled prostheses at the sites of both amputations. _

"Why can't he write in the common language? This sounds like a report to a committee," she snarled. "All this jargon is infuriating. Man! Get to the point!"

The letter continued:

_We are pleased with the results so far. The patient tolerated the surgery well with no untoward consequences. We are currently keeping him heavily sedated until the wounds from the surgery heal and the neural connectors have had time to form secure bonds. When that has taken place, training in how to use his new limbs will begin._

_It will be my honour to keep you au courant with how the matter progresses._

_I remain your humble and obedient servant ..._

"Damn!" She exploded, crumbling the heavy paper and throwing it across the room. "He talks and talks and says absolutely nothing. I told him I wanted to bring Nooj here to recover and all I get is this double-talk." She stamped her foot angrily.

"You want I should take care of him, Boss?" Ormi inflated himself to look even more formidable.

"Don't call me Boss. It's low class!" she shouted. "Logos, you're more tactful; get over to Giffen and tell him I want to know what's going on in plain Spiran. What have they done to Nooj and when can I see him?"

"Yes, madam." Logos pulled himself up to his full height and charged out the door at a pace just short of a gallop.

-X-

Aquelev walked softly across the dimly lit room until he stood at the bedside. "Nooj, can you hear me? Are you awake? Nooj?"

The figure lying there did not move, not even to turn his head. "I can hear you. Have you see what they have done to me?" The was such bleakness in the voice that Aquelev could have wept.

"I've seen. But you still live." He knew at once he had said the wrong thing and silently cursed himself.

"Live! Do you think I want to live? Like this? A monster, half machina, weighted down by these damned ..." His voice broke and he turned his face toward the wall. "Why did no one speak up for me? Somebody should have stopped them. They should have let me die." The despairing words were so low the Al Bhed had to stoop to catch them.

"Give it time, my friend. You've only been awake two days. They're going to teach you how to use these tools. Sin didn't kill you, not even close. Without what they've done you'd be a cripple - far worse than this. How are your eyes?"

"They've given me spectacles. Over there on the table. I don't want to see what I've become. I'm like a broken pitcher, mended with spit, unfit for anything."

"Don't be an idiot, my boy. You're broken, I'll give you that but give the mending a chance. You're still a Warrior and I'll be willing to bet you'll find out these machina you despise so much are going to be more useful than you think. Now, on to happier thoughts. LeBlanc is coming to visit you in a day or so. That should cheer you up." He beamed and patted Nooj's hand.

The injured man struggled to pull himself up in his bed. "No! She can't see me like this! Keep her away. Aquelev, have you seen how my body looks?" He threw off the sheet, exposing the grotesque merging of metal and flesh at his shoulder. The skin of the entire left side had seemingly melted and then congealed into a shiny scarlet mass, swollen and raw around the entry point of the machina arm. "She was upset by the whip scars on my back. What'll she think about this? It'll make her sick. Let her remember me as I was. I'm not even sure the rest of me functions." He dragged the cover back over himself.

Aquelev swallowed hard . "If you're worrying about your manhood - don't." He scowled down at Nooj. "The doctors say everything is just fine in that area. You can still terrorize the women whenever you've a mind to. And about LeBlanc and her tender sensibilities. Well, lad, if she loves you, she won't care how you look so long as you're still breathing and if you love her, you'll trust her enough to give her the chance to prove how wrong you are. Think about it; you don't have to decide right now."

Nooj muttered some words too low for his friend to hear.

"What did you say?"

"I said as soon as I can get my hands on the means, I'm getting out of here. I will not live like this, the object of everybody's pity. I won't do it, I tell you."

"Thanks for the warning. I'll be sure to alert your minders so they can keep anything dangerous far away from you. Damn it, Nooj, what happened to the man I knew? You told me Deathseekers didn't kill themselves; they waited for Death to take a willing volunteer. I never thought you were such a coward. I guess it was all a show, after all. Taydrcaagan, eh? I don't think so. More like Taydrfrehan to me."

Nooj thrashed about on the narrow bed, unable to shift very far because of the weight of the immobile prostheses. "How would you like to have these things grafted permanently onto your body without your permission?"

"I'd be damned grateful that I was being given another chance at being a useful member of society. Look, Nooj, of course you're upset and confused now. Have a little patience. Let the engineers show you how to use the limbs. When you're accustomed to them and can move them like you did your original ones, everything will seem different. Wait and see. I'm not trying to hurt you by telling you these things. You're a strong man with a lot more to give to Spira. There's a lot of experience ahead for you. Whether it includes LeBlanc or not is up to the pair of you. But you shouldn't slam doors until you've at least looked at what's behind them." Aquelev paused, looking compassionately at the pale face on the pillow. The swelling had gone down but there were still scabs from the cuts and the shadows of the dark bruises still persisted. "My boy, are you in pain?"

"Yes, but I learned to ignore pain years ago. I can stand it. What I can't bear is humiliation." The confession sounded torn from somewhere deep inside.

"You're a hero, not a freak, not a monster. You saved your unit by attacking Sin. Your scars are honourable ones and your losses are the price you paid for their lives. You have no reason to feel humiliated. Few could have done what you did, even fewer would have done it. Now, sleep and dream of the good days to come." He placed a gentle hand on his friend's forehead and was glad to feel the coolness there. At least, he had not provoked the man into a fever.

-X-

"I came as soon as I could." Aquelev bowed over the hand LeBlanc extended to welcome him.

"Thank you. I need your advice. The governer of the hospital, you may know him - Giffen - has told me I can visit Nooj and even have him here in this house to complete his recuperation. But he won't agree to see me. I've redone an entire floor here to house him and his nurses but he still won't let me in. Why is he doing this to me?" She seemed very near to tears and fanned herself vigorously.

Aquelev remained silent while he thought of how to answer her. He had spend some time recently trying once more to convince his friend to take up life again but had made no progress. "LeBlanc, he's very sensitive about what happened to him and is ... well, I guess the best word is hiding for a while."

"Is he afraid I'll be disgusted that he's lost an arm and leg? You know better and he should too. I love him and I'll keep on loving him no matter what. He's more than just a body to me. Why can't he see that? Doesn't he know he's a hero?"

"I've tried to explain that to him but he doesn't want to hear it. You two didn't have much time together to get to know about each other. He's had a hard life and now this ... You have to try to see it from his point of view. He loved you, physically, and he may think you won't want that from a man maimed as he is." Aquelev was not happy with the way he was handling this but could think of no other words.

"I don't care if there's no more of the physical. It's all of him that I love - the talk, the laughter, the whole man, not just the body. I know we didn't have much time together. I can remember every hour. Things move faster in war times. They have to. It wasn't long but it was enough to show we had something to build on. It was long enough for us both to know we loved each other. I was dreaming of time to learn about his past life and tell him about mine. Can you tell him that?"

"I've tried to convince him he ought to make an effort. But ... you do know he can't walk yet? Not even stand up? He's made a lot of progress in using the arm and hand but the leg is harder to manage. He hates for people to see him in a wheelchair and, I have to tell you, the damage to his left side is pretty bad. You won't like to see it. I only saw it once and it really disturbed me. Gave me nightmares."

"I'm prepared for that ..."

"No, you're not. Trust me. You can't prepare for that. It's a miracle he didn't die and, most of the time, he wishes he had."

LeBlanc steeled herself and asked, "I heard rumours that he was a Deathseeker. Is he? You might as well tell me the truth."

Aquelev stared at his clenched hands. "Yes. He's one of those. Has been as long as I've known him. Now more than ever. He's been on suicide watch since they woke him up after the surgery. I've tried and tried to convince him it's a stupid choice, but he's stubborn on that subject. I'm sorry."

"It's not your fault. You've been a good friend to us both. Nooj is what he is and I love him anyway. I needed to know about that in case I can persuade him to come live here. I'll need to keep dangerous things out of reach. I guess. I don't want him to die. I don't want him to want to die." She buried her face in her hands and sobbed helplessly.

The Al Bhed moved to the couch beside her and laid an arm over her trembling shoulders. "I know. I've been trying to keep him alive for so long. I understand. He inspires loyalty in spite of himself."

"You see why I need to go to him and talk to him myself? I have to hear him say to my face that he doesn't want me anymore."

"Yes, I see. I don't think it's so much that he doesn't want you as he's scared of what you'll see when you look at him. He's a proud man and would hate being a burden on anyone, especially a woman, even one who loved him. He's used to doing for himself and being unable to do that is hard on him. He's angry most of the time and wouldn't like you to see that either."

"I don't care. I don't care what it takes. I'll be what he wants me to be. Can you persuade him to see me just the one time? I'll do the persuading from then on. You know how I can wheedle and charm. I just need to get near him, so I can touch him and show him it doesn't bother me that he's different now. Will you try?" She placed a beguiling hand on his sleeve and looked at him with her improbably coloured eyes.

He patted the elegant white hand and nodded. "I'll try again. I promise."

-X-

"You will have to forgive me for not rising. It seems I am unable to." He did not look at her face when she came in. "Aquelev thinks we should talk."

What she saw was a man, far thinner than she had expected, seated in an upright chair. His hands were grasping the padded arm-rests, the left hand covered by a black leather glove which revealed nothing of the structure thus concealed. His legs were rigidly braced with the knees together. A sort of metal sheath gripped his left thigh and hip leaving the pulleys and rods of the prosthesis clearly visible. His hair was much longer than when she had last seen him although nothing like as abundant as before his wounding. Her throat closed with grief and pity so that all she could do was look at him, tears blurring her vision.

"Don't be afraid, madam. I'm told there is no danger these contraptions will go wild and attack on their own." He lifted the black-gloved hand, turning it as though he was seeing it for the first time. "I am their master and can keep them from independent action. ... So I am told."

LeBlanc threw herself on her knees and rested both hands on his remaining leg. "Nooj, don't be like this. I'm LeBlanc, the woman who loves you and wants you to come home with her. I've turned the fourth floor into a suite for you and your therapists. Come home where you belong. Don't reject me; let's be us again." Her violet eyes filled with soft supplication.

"I have no home and there is no more 'us'." He was careful not to touch her.

"What I was, I no longer am. The man you loved died on that battlefield. You must remember him and not me."

"No." Her voice was strong and positive. "The man I love sits in that chair in front of me and will stand by my side soon enough. Nooj, you are alive. Come with me. Giffen has given his permission. You're alive and nothing else matters. Not even ..."

He interrupted quickly, "It's not that. That part of me you most cherished is still intact and fully functional - so I am told, having had no occasion to test their assurances." He gave a bitter bark of a laugh.

"You absolute fool! Do you think that's all I cherish about you? Try to understand. I'll say it slowly. I love you, all of you. I want you back in my life, no matter what. I don't care what you look like or if you can 'function' fully. I love you. Can't you hear me?"

"I hear you but it's not possible to just pick up where things left off. I've changed and so have you. We're not the same and I need solitude to deal with what I've become. LeBlanc, go back to your life and leave me to mine. I can't manage all the demands on me right now." His head dropped against the back of the chair and he gazed bleakly at the ceiling. Not once had he met her eyes during the interview. "They should have let me die."

"You think that now but things will get better. I can help. Let me help. We can have a life together, working together. I have it all planned. You'll see. Nooj, use some of that courage you use on the battlefield. Fight for your future."

"Go away, LeBlanc. It's no use. Aquelev's already tried that line. It didn't work for him and it won't work for you. I'm tired and I want to rest. More than anything in the world, I want to rest." He closed his eyes and refused to respond to her further. After a while, she wearily rose to her feet and left.

-X-

Time passed; months went by with no further direct communications. LeBlanc heard the rumours about the Crimson Squad debacle and from that learned Nooj had returned to active duty, machina limbs and all. At least he had not yet found a way to die even though he had become a hunted man.

She continued her Syndicate business, dealing with Aquelev although he no longer volunteered information about their mutual acquaintance who was still in hiding. Money was easy to come by in the fervid atmosphere of all-out war. Young men of distinguished bearing and swaggering pride swarmed into and out of Luca on their way to the killing fields. LeBlanc tried, she really tried to continue her ways before she had met Nooj. However, after several attempts to take the most impressive of the current crop of young officers to bed, she admitted to herself that she no longer had an appetite for such casual encounters and embraced celibacy as she had once embraced hedonism. All her habits underwent a change; her table was set with less elaborate meals, her drinks simpler - frequently water instead of the rare wines she had relished before. She became less patient with her underlings but permitted them to call her "Boss" with no protest. It did not seem worth the effort to correct them. When she did drink, it was to the point of drunkeness in order to sleep. It was during this time she discovered that massages could relax her, for which she was very grateful. She became quieter and more subdued in all her aspects. Her life became less a celebration and more a penance, for what she did not know.

Then Sin was destroyed and everything shifted again. After the jubilation, Luca settled down into a dull, workaday city with no particular reason for being save for blitz-ball which LeBlanc despised. She had lost the principal part of her business with the coming of the Calm and with it the need to stay in Luca. She decided to move to a chateau she had purchased at a bargain price in Guadosalam and there to retire.

-X-

"Boss," Logos spoke hesitantly, not sure if the news he bore was good or bad.

"I just heard that Captain Nooj you used to know has taken over the militia over at Mushroom Rock Road. He's calling it the Youth League and a lot of the old Crusaders have joined him. They're trying to put together a history of Spira, from what I hear, and going to go after the Yevonites."

"The Yevonites? You mean New Yevon? Why should I care? It's none of my business." LeBlanc could not suppress the leap in her heart at the mention of his name but declined to permit it to show to her subordinates.

"They're collecting them old spheres, the ones telling about the crimes of the monks and priests. I don't exactly know what they're up to but they're working real hard at it."

LeBlanc leaned back and thought. If Nooj was taking on another project, that must mean he was connected to the world again. She needed to see him and see if he had changed his thoughts about them. The man who had said he loved her might be awake again. A current of excitement coursed through her body as she felt long-banked passions beginning to stir. She must establish contact with him once more and how better than by bringing him the artifacts he was hunting? She had won his affections once and she was certain she could do it again. Besides, she was bored with sitting around doing nothing. Sphere hunting would be both a distraction and a way to reach her objective.

"Boys, gather around. We're going to form a new Syndicate. Contact the goons and get them back here at once. We're going sphere-hunting!"

9


	6. Chapter 6

I have mentioned how I had an epiphany of sorts when I realized I could paint the same face more than one time. Well, a similar thing has happened in writing these stories. I do not have to choose only one path to follow at a given nexus. I can venture along as many as I choose; there is no punishment for seeing what is at the end of another trail.

This is purely an exercise in self-indulgence. Since I am principally interested in how individuals respond to various events and stimuli, I have decided to send this story down a different path from the one I originally chose. The divergence starts after the second chapter and I have labeled this new material with the proper chapter numbers followed by the letter 'A' to indicate "Alternate". In this one, Three-A - I am attempting to lay the groundwork for the differing ways in which Nooj and LeBlanc view their affair and how that lack of communication led to the way in which each came to react during the time period of the Game. I am also trying to draw a more volatile Nooj - one who is still in the process of becoming.

As usual, criticism of any sort is solicited and will be heeded. This chapter is approximately 3600 words long.

**CHAPTER THREE - A**

**Table Talk and Dessert**

LeBlanc woke the next morning with a mingled sense of anticipation and dread. She had often held a dinner party at which she was the only woman present so that should not have bothered her. However, the peculiar circumstances under which she had made the acquaintance of Aquelev and Nooj left her feeling at a distinct disadvantage. Had they discussed her and her behaviour together? Was she the object of knowing jokes and tellingly suggestive looks between them? During her interview with Aquelev the day before, she had detected nothing to hint at that but what when the two men were alone together or, worse, in a stag gathering? Was her name bandied about and ribald comments made about her? She blushed at the thought.

Still, she was eager to see Nooj again and learn if anything might come of their first encounter. And, of course, Aquelev was always pleasant company. If more of the Al Bhed were like him, they would be less excluded from society at large. For a short time she lay musing on the notion of a world in which the green-eyed blonds were fully integrated into the whole of Spira. She had never slept with one of that tribe and wondered if they were as different in their love-making as in their appearance. Maybe they had something unique and delightful concealed in their typically baggy pants. She giggled at the thought and let her mind sort through a number of variations on the theme.

The arrival of Logos with her morning tea jolted her back to reality and to the duties of the day. As she sipped from the delicate cup, she jotted down reminders on the note-pad she kept at her bedside. She tore off the top page and made a separate listing of the wines to be served and another of the menu she desired. Everything must be perfect. The food had to be hearty enough for a soldier's appetite yet subtle enough to show her exquisite taste. The wines must complement the dishes precisely. And the brandy? Should she serve the smooth one from Bevelle or the more potent and slightly rougher one from Kilika? After prolonged thought, she chose the second. It would remind Nooj of his home and provide a rousing conclusion to a heavy meal.

Now, about her attire. She had a wide variety of evening dress, suitable to every occasion. Nothing too extreme, she thought. No sense putting all her wares on display at once. If she chose a more tantalizing gown, she might have a better chance at separating Nooj from his friend and persuading him to stay the night. Yes, something teasing, not blatant. And lavender to match her eyes. And easy to get out of with just a little assistance required. She giggled again, imagining how it would be to feel those large competent hands undoing her buttons and laces. And shoes which could be kicked off and a minimum of under garments. She hugged herself and snuggled back down into her pillow.

-X-

The day passed in strange uneven lumpy intervals, at once both too quickly and with exasperating slowness. Finally, she closed her office early and gave up trying to concentrate on the details of business. Her mind was abuzz with thoughts of the evening. She tried to lie down with a cool cloth over her eyes so that she would be fresh for the event, but found she could not relax. Details kept flooding into her mind and she eventually got up and took charge of the preparations. The menu was set and the wines breathing in the still room. The floors reflected the rooms they graced and the furniture gleamed with wax and polish. Satisfied for the moment, LeBlanc proceeded to her bath.

She was just putting the finishing touches on her hair when she heard the sound of the bell from the main door. Her heart leapt and she almost dropped her brush. With firm decision, she calmed herself and listened to the voices floating up the staircase.

There was only one man standing on the threshold when she came down the stairs. A tall man in military garb with a long fall of hair to one side. She pressed her hands to her breast to still the leaping of her heart and drew a deep breath, hoping her voice would be steady when she spoke.

"Captain Nooj, how good to see you again." She moved toward him, hand outstretched.

"Madam LeBlanc." He bent over her hand, just touching the back with his lips. "My friend, Aquelev, asked me to give you his regrets. he was unexpectedly called away on family business."

"I'm sorry to hear that and hope it's nothing serious."

"Knowing the Al Bhed, I expect it has to do with money. However, he did ask me to give you this." He held out a small flat box. "It's some sort of a new calculating machina the engineers of his race have come up with. He said to tell you it has some features you may find useful. He included several sheets of instructions since he can't be here to explain in person."

"What a thoughtful gift! I was complaining about all the figuring I have to do and what a nuisance it is. I'll send him a thank-you note in the morning. Logos, put this on my office desk. And be careful." She took the arm Nooj offered. "Shall we go in to dinner?"

-X-

A few glasses of wine eased the atmosphere wonderfully and by the time they reached the main course, they were were done with the obligatory small talk about the weather, social events in Luca and the like. The conversation then turned effortlessly to more personal and playful topics.

"My comrade, Aquelev, tells me you are very knowledgeable about military supplies and equipment. He's not one ot pay compliments lightly so you obviously impressed him." Nooj cut his meat into careful identical cubes.

LeBlanc dimpled and sipped her wine. "Well, it is my business to know about those things. If I didn't understand it, I'd be a poor manager - and a pauper. Aquelev is a smart one, himself. He drives a hard bargain." She smiled reminiscently. "I like him. It's good to have a worthy opponent across the desk. So many of those I have to deal with are fools and simpletons."

"I've noticed he's not afraid to speak his mind. He's taken me to task often enough."

"What does he find to complain about in you?" She raised one brow.

"Oh, various opinions I hold. He's not a Warrior, so he doesnt see some decisions like a Warrior does."

"You've been a Warrior all your life? You're young to be a Captain, aren't you?" She fluttered her lashes and lifted her glass in a semi-salute. "I was surprised to hear your rank. I guess your strength is part of it ... and your talent for command."

He was not deceived by her ploy. She was not the first woman to try that line of flattery. "Oh, I'm about the right age for it. I may look younger because all my tribe permantly remove facial and body hair at puberty."

"You mean you don't have any hair on your body? None at all? Not anywhere?" She giggled behind her hand.

He leaned forward, leering wolfishly. "You want to see?" He moved as if to open his tunic.

"Not now. I'd like to save that for dessert - and take my time enjoying it."

"All the time you like. I'm not the sort of man to make a lovely lady hurry." He looked at her with a distinct meaning in his eyes.

They resumed eating, both thoughly satisfied with themselves.

"This is really excellent meat We don't get anything like this in the officers' mess."

She beamed with pleasure. "One of the perks of my business is I get first pick of most supplies coming into Luca. The government likes to keep on my good side. Have some more wine." She raised the decanter.

"Just half a glass. You know the old saying about wine promoting the wish but hindering the deed."

She snatched back the container with a laugh. "Then no more for you!"

He laughed back at her. "You may be right. No sense taking chances." He laid his palm over the top of his glass. "Maybe later. After."

-X-

When they were both surfeited with food, LeBlanc signaled for the brandy to be poured. Nooj picked up the snifter before him and warmed the liquor at its bottom with his hands before inhaling the boquet and taking a small amount on his tongue.

"This is from Kilika!" he said in surprise.

"You're from there, aren't you? I thought you might enjoy a taste of home."

He took another sip and let it trickle down his throat. "Yes, I was born there but it's been years since I've been back. After I went away to be a cadet, I only visited there a week or so at a time and since I've been in the Crusaders not even that." Another careful lingering sip. "But I'll never forget the fragrance and the taste of the thimblesful my parents let me have on holidays. Thank you for serving this." He swirled the remaining portion in the big-bellied glass and inhaled deeply.

"It's a good way to end a meal." LeBlanc drank her own brandy.

"And to whet the appetite for dessert?"

She laughed excitedly. "That too." They exchanged meaningful glances. There was no longer the slightest doubt as to where Nooj would pass the night. He held LeBlanc's chair and kissed the back of her neck when she rose.

"Madam, will you lead the way?"

She brushed her finger tips across his groin. "It will be my pleasure."

"And mine as well, I trust."

She placed her hand against the side of his face, under the chin-length lock of hair and whispered, "Let us go have that dessert."

He kissed her palm and smiled.

When the bedroom door had closed behind them, they stood looking at one another for a long moment. Then Nooj took LeBlanc in his arms and kissed her deeply, exploring her mouth with his tongue. When he lifted his head, she murmured, "Shall I turn off the lights?"

"No. I want to see you." He did not bother with undoing the buttons and laces as she had so fondly imagined him doing but instead caught the fabric in his strong hands and, with a single tug, ripped it apart and let the ruined shreds of the dress fall to the floor. The lacy underpants quickly followed and she was irridescent in her nudity, like a woman carved of ivory and pearl. He thrust his hand between her legs, feeling the moisture in the golden curls there.

"You're ready."

"I've been ready since I first set eyes on you." She made no attempt to cover herself.

Nooj stepped back, not changing his focus on her body. He unhooked the braid holding his dress cape and tossed it onto the window seat along with his sword belt and its ceremonial weapon. Next his jacket joined the growing heap and he sank down on the edge of the bench stretching out his legs. "Pull off my boots."

She knelt obediently at his feet, her willowy white form glowing in the lamplight and submissively tugged the gleaming boots from his limbs. He slowly unbuttoned his shirt and shrugged out of it then stood and released the catches of his breeches letting them fall to the floor. Completely naked, he stood before her, arms akimbo. "See? No hair. Do I still look too young?" He grinned boldly.

She looked at him and was dazzled. Without the presence of hair to blur them, the muscles of his slim form were clearly defined and his light olive skin appeared bronze in the dim light. She surveyed his body, drawing in a quick breath when her eyes reached his center. "No, not a bit too young. Just right. You make me hungry." She shivered with anticipation and, cupping her breasts, lifted them toward him.

"Then it would be rude to keep a lady waiting." With a smooth movement, he scooped her up in his arms and deposited her on the bed.

He entered her without hesitation and she cried out at the first intrusion then spread her legs more widely and arched her back, inviting his deepest penetration. The warmth of his body seemed to melt her as she felt herself merge with him. He filled her as no other man had ever done and she wanted more and yet more. Almost at once she climaxed but he did not stop his movements and, within minutes, she was aroused again. His hands explored her breasts and buttocks, his tongue plundered her mouth. She was in a phantasmagoric dream in which her body no longer belonged to her control and she was content to have it so. She felt a flush suffusing her chest and great seismic waves of excitement shaking her to her core. Then ...

He watched the emotions chase one another across her face, like sun and shadow across a meadow. Her little mewling cries were music to him and he answered them with hoarse panting sounds from deep within his throat. As the musky perfume of their sweating bodies rose around them like a censer's fumes, he felt his own climax approaching and increased the pace of his thrusting, filling her with his seed even as he sensed her womb pulsating around him.

They collapsed together, their breaths gradually slowing as their limbs relaxed.

"Nooj." She breathed his name, trailing a seemingly boneless hand down his abdomen. "Nooj."

"Are you satisfied, my pet?" He gently tweaked her nipple.

"Yes. And you?"

"You're a skillful partner. It was good." He meticulously shared his attention with the other breast. "We should recoup and try it again."

LeBlanc snuggled into his shoulder. "You're so warm it's like you've got a furnace inside you. With you in my bed, I won't need a coverlet. Hold me."

He swept her close and tucked her half under his body, shielding her from the breeze which flowed through the open window. "Like this?"

"Ummm..." she moaned. "Where have you been all these years? I think I've been waiting for you forever."

"Then let's make the most of it." He ran his hand down her length. "Relax; we have the rest of the night before us."

She did not answer for she had fallen suddenly asleep.

LeBlanc opened her eyes. The lamp was still lighted and she quickly oriented herself. Nooj was sleeping very quietly. She had to listen carefully to hear his breathing. He had shifted and was lying on his side, leaving her ample room to turn and look at him.

Relaxed as he was, he looked so young and vulnerable. Those hands whose caresses had driven her wild were slightly curled and lay easily on the sheets. She had an impulse to lean over and suck each finger in turn. He was so delectable and she so hungered for him.

His body was, as he had said, completely hairless and that added to the classical beauty of his form. With a tentative touch, LeBlanc ventured to reach lower to that part of him which had so pleasured her. It looked harmless and unthreatening in its flaccid state and she could not resist taking it into her hand.

"Shameless woman, are you insatiable?"

Startled, she looked up to meet his dark brown eyes laughing at her.

"I was just looking..." she stammered.

"And handling the merchandise. I caught you fair and square and you can't deny it. I caught you in the act." He tipped her face up and kissed her tenderly more like a friend than a lover. "Look all you like. I'm at your service."

Emboldened by his attitude, she commanded, "Roll over. I've not seen your back."

"As you wish, mistress." He detached her hand which she had absently left in its position and turned over on his face.

"What happened to you?" she squealed in horror. "Your back! It's all scarred. Who did that to you? Why did you let them?"

Nooj turned back toward her. "I forgot about that. It's nothing to be concerned about. I did some dumb things while I was in training and the military has little patience with stupidity in its future officers."

"But to beat you like this." She reached out to touch the raised welts.

He caught her hand. "I told you it's nothing. I deserved it and I learned not to do any more dumb things. Forget it."

Her eyes filled with tears and suddenly she was afraid of him. He was holding her wrist too tightly and it hurt. "I'm sorry; I won't do it again. Please let me go."

He smiled lazily as he released her. "See? That's how it works. Do something stupid, get corrected and you don't do it again. It's the way we learn and improve."

He lay on his side facing her and began to gently touch her in all the places she did not realized were erogenous before he showed her differently. She returned the carresses with delight. "You know something? Without hair, you look longer and bigger."

He snorted in amusement. 'I've never heard that reaction before. Has it occured to you that I may actually be longer and bigger?"

"Now that I think about it, you probably are. Anyway, I like it. Would you like me to shave off all my body hair?"

"No. You don't have to make any changes for me. Your golden fleece becomes you." He inserted a finger between her nether lips and stroked.

She moaned and squirmed against his touch. "Stop teasing. I want you. Now!" She spread her legs and pulled at him.

"Careful, pet. Don't want to ruin the tool." He shifted his position and slowly penetrated her.

Her eyes widened then half closed with pleasure as she welcomed him and tangled her fingers in his long hair, digging her heels into his buttocks. "Yes; yes; yes!" she sang out as she matched her movements to his.

-X-

The sun was high in the sky when they woke again. Nooj glanced at the pattern of light on the floor and leapt from the bed, gathering up his clothes and throwing them on haphazardly.

"Damn! I'd hoped to have time for a bath first." He tucked his shirt into his breeches, thrust his feet into his boots and tugged them up with hasty jerks. He half-buttoned his tunic, buckled on his sword belt and snatched up his short cape. Bending over the edge of the bed, he kissed LeBlanc absently, almost missing her lips. "Sorry. I'm late and if I don't hurry, I'll earn another set of stripes on my back. Sorry. It was a pleasure. Thank you." He raced toward the door.

"Wait!" LeBlanc clutched the sheet to her breast. "When will I see you again? Tonight?"

He spoke over his shoulder as the door closed, "I'll call you or send a messenge." And he was gone.

LeBlanc was torn as to whether to be insulted by his abrupt leave-taking or pleased at the memory of the activities of the night. She had not known what to expect after the episode on the balcony at the gala. Even now, she was still not sure what sort of man she had entertained in her heart-shaped bed last night. He was so different from the silly boys and the the respectful diplomats who had previously shared that couch. Nooj was at one moment the uncomplicated bedroom athlete, making love with a light touch and enthusiastic virtuosity and at the next the dangerous, alarming figure of Logos' report. He did frighten her and she had to admit that added to her pleasure. A note of peril seasoned the dish. He would never bore nor disappoint her - of that she was quite certain. Now she had to devise some way to keep him. No doubt she would think of something. But time was so short. She shivered a little, pulled on her nightgown and rang for Logos to bring her tea.


	7. Chapter 7

8/20/07

I have been conscious from the first time I played this game of the odd disconnect between the public success of LeBlanc and her private neediness. She seems to be an example of a modern woman who seeks and finds her place in the world, independent and proud and who at the same time harbours a desire to be dominated by a strong man. She appears ready, even excessively eager, to subject herself to such control even though she has proved herself perfectly capable of handling her own life and forging her own way in the world of Spira. (One of these days, I really should go back into her early life and try to discover what so warped her.) This chapter makes a try at showing how that dual pattern in her personality came to find Nooj as a focus. In some ways, he was the ideal object for her desire, being both self-absorbed himself and having the characteristics for which she was hunting, subconsiously or not. I have tried not to let her be too hasty in her surrender but I may have erred in that and other bits. Please let me know if I have done so. I am paying attention to those who are kind enough to read my drivel.

**Chapter Four - A**

**Mad, Bad and ...**

Nooj did not make contract with her in any way that day. However, Aquelev called for an appointment to discuss purchasing more supplies for the army.

"I must thank you again for the calculator. It's so intuitive I had no trouble underestanding how to use it and it's a huge help. You Al Bhed are miracle makers." She gushed when they had finished their bargaining.

"I'm glad it's useful. You're doing us a favour, you know. We need to test our ideas and somebody like you is ideal. Be sure to tell me if you have any problems with it. We'll try to fix them and give you the improved model." The blond man steepled his fingers and grinned at her.

She stowed away her copies of the contracts they had signed. "I'll be glad to. This has been another profitable day for us both. Shall we celebrate our joint success? It's late enough for some relaxation."

"I'd enjoy that very much. Your cellar is a treasure all by itself."

When they were comfortably installed in the salon with white wine and various savouries, she turned to him and asked, "Tell me about your early life, Aquelev. I've had some Al Bhed in my employ but none close enough to actually talk to. I'm curious about how you became so at ease in Spiran society."

He nodded. "If you had ever started a conversation with one of your Al Bhed, you'd have had to cut off his tongue to shut him up. We're the least reticent race on the surface of Spira. By the way, this is delicious wine. Is it a Chablis?" He raised his glass in a salute.

"Yes. I got it in a mixed lot from ... never mind. Most people think of it as a table wine but this one's so light and refreshing, I enjoy it in the afternoon. You have an educated palate. Try one of those shell-fish toast points. I don't get good shipments as often as I'd like with Sin keeping the fishermen in port and this crop was particularly sweet."

He took one of the small treats and closed his eyes the better to appreciate the subtle delicate flavour. "Ummm. This is a real delight for a desert dweller. I am honoured by your hospitality. But, you asked me about my early days. Well, I was brought into the family business as a young man. Apprenticed to an uncle to learn how to behave myself and keep a low profile. You must know we Al Bhed are born traders." He smiled widely. "It was as a part of that culture I was called to family affairs and had to miss dining with you and Nooj last night. When the family summons you, you jump. Anyway, about the time I had learned the ropes, we were asked by the high command in the Crusaders to see if we could persuade their rank and file to use machina weapons and I was sent to be attached to a squad working to clean up the Mi'ihen Highroad. Since I was living with a bunch of Spirans, I had to fit it and that's how it went." He settled back and drank a huge swallow of wine.

"Here. Let me refresh your glass. And, for goodness' sake, have some more of the food. It won't keep well and we might as well finish it off." She took some of the morsels onto her own plate. "Was that when you met Nooj? On the Mi'ihen Highway?"

"Yes. He was doing a major tidying up of some bands of thieves and kidnappers infesting it. Cleaned 'em right out. When they heard he was on his way, they ran like hares after what he did to the three who ambushed him."

"Yes, you mentioned that. What was so fearsome? Did he turn them into dog's meat?"

"Odd you should use that image. I saw the bodies after he was done with them and they were not in a fit state for their relatives to grieve over. I doubt any of them could have recognized the corpses and I saw Nooj while he was fighting off the effects of the venom in their weapons. He was pretty well sliced up himself and I thought sure he would die in that inn there. I will maintain 'til my own dying day that it was sheer stubbornness that kept him alive. There was no other reason for him to be breathing today."

"So he's not one to die easily? I had heard some things about how fool-hardy he can be in battle. Some have said he's trying to get himself killed for some reason." She did not look directly at the man.

Aquelev made a face. "You must have been listening to some of the old stories which went around for a while. About how he's a Deathseeker. I don't believe a word of them. We have legends of our own about that sort of hero; we call them taydrcaagan in our tongue. That's all they are - legends. Nobody I've ever known has actually met a man or woman who was dead set of dying just for some sort of ideal. I doubt there ever was one. No, Nooj is just a brave man and thinks he's immortal. Most men his age do. He'll learn as he grows older."

"He looks very young to me. It was a surprise to learn he was a captain and considered one of the best officers in the Crusaders. I guess all of us have had to mature too fast with Sin skimming off the top of our generation. Since you Al Bhed live so far from the sea, are you in less danger? Or do you feel you are?" LeBlanc was oddly serious.

Aquelev gave her question the courtesy of prolonged thought. "In a way, we're less affected by the Sin problem than the Spirans who live in the coastal cities - and that's just about all the Spirans now that I come to think of it. The inland areas aren't very hospitable so you who cling to the edge of the sea have the worst of it. I wonder if luring Sin somehow into the desert might be the way to destroy him for good. It's worth thinking about and I may get that idea introduced to the commanders just for their consideration. You see things from a new and clear perspective, my dear."

"But is it normal for a man Nooj's age to be an officer?" She persisted.

"It's not that odd, from what I know about the army. They have a set of standards they use to judge men and women and promote the good ones. Nooj has a gift for inspiring troops. Most of those who have served under him would follow him to the FarPlane and expect him to lead them back. If he's old enough to command that sort of loyalty, he's old enough to be an officer. His superiors would be bigger fools than I think they are if they didn't take advantage of his talent. No, inside he's older than you might think. At least your age if nowhere near mine." He chuckled lightly.

LeBlanc stared into her glass for a while, then seemed to make a decision. "He spent the night here last night."

"Ah." Aquelev waited for more. He was often offered confidences from various people and had never managed to become entirely comfortable with them.

"We found we have much in common and it ... it was pleasant. He's not as serious as I thought he was. That's why I thought of him as younger than he is. Tell me about him, Aquelev. You're his friend and know him well."

"I may be his friend but I don't think anyone knows him really well. He keeps a lot of himself to himself and isn't willing to expose a weakness to anybody."

"I'm not trying to ferret out secrets, just trying to understand him a little better." Her explanation sounded weak even to her own ears.

Aquelev nodded his comprehension. "Oh, I see the problem. He's not easy to deal with. To my personal knowledge, he has a cruel streak in him which can surface with no warning. You need to move carefully with him." The merchant was inclined toward the positive explanation when maneuvering between others.

"He said he would call or send me a message today and I haven't heard anything from him." She pouted.

"Ah, well, if he said he'd do something, he meant it. The only thing that woud stop him from keeping a promise is being in a situaltion where it wasn't possible. He's probably been closeted with top officers all day and hasn't had time to jot down a note. I can tell you this - he's a man of his word. You may not like his version of the truth but he'll stand by it."

She snarled softly. "That's a real comfort."

Aquelev laughed nervously. "I phrased that wrong. What I mean to say is that he'll never lie to you. If he can't tell the truth, he'll keep his mouth shut. I think that's one of the reasons he doesn't talk very much; he knows most people don't always like to hear the plain truth."

"And what about you, my green-eyed friend? Do you tell the truth as well? If I ask you a direct question, will you answer me or bite your tongue? And if you answer, will it be the whole truth and not some approximation of it?" She poured them each a fresh libation from the decanter.

He gazed into the straw-coloured depths of the glass. "I'll tell you as much as I can. I'm sworn to keep some things private and if you see me break my word to one, you won't trust me to keep your confidence. And you'd be right to doubt me. I can't speak fairer than that."

"True enough. So tell me - if you can - is Nooj seeing any other women? Am I his only ... " She stumbled, unable to think of just what she wanted to call herself.

"Whew! That's an easy one. Yes, you're the only woman he's with now. He's a one woman at a time man, has been as long as I've known him. He doesn't talk about his very good friends either." He chuckled. "I told you the man has a sense of honour. Well, that includes protecting a lady's name. He never shares stories like that around the campfire. In fact, he won't listen to them, just walks away when they start. I've heard him bawl out a junior for 'sullying a lady's name'. He's very old-fashioned in many ways."

LeBlanc leaned back in her chair, reassured and relaxed. "I knew there was something different about him. Something like out of a legend. He's the hero of the old fables and the stories we read when we're kids."

Aquelev grinned back at her. "Yes. I think he likes to see himself that way. In a lot of things, he's modeled himself on those old stories. In his mind, he's the protector of the weak and the avenger of the victimized." He laughed a short bark of a laugh. "That's exactly what he wants to be - the hero of a legend."

"Even to sacrificing his life for that end?" She looked sharply at him from under her brows.

"I've never said that. You're trying to find something I've never said and use it to impeach me."

"So. Tell me again; is he a Deathseeker?" She was suddenly totally sober.

The man thought for a while. "You asked that earlier and I responded. Now I have to modify what I said then. I can't answer that completely because I don't know just what a Taydrcaagan is. I know there are those who claim to be such and those who are accused of it. I've never known anyone who was indisputably one so I'm unable to judge. Nooj is brave and rash beyond any man I have ever met. But whether he's deliberately inviting Death, I can't say with certainty. He doesn't like to talk about himself and you know what a forbidding fence he can put up around his privacy. It would take a braver man than I can ever hope to be to ask him something as personal as that." Aquelev drained his glass and reached for the decanter.

LeBlanc interjected, "I hope you don't think I'm always as blatant about my personal life as I've been this afternoon. I have a feeling that Nooj and I could have a future together and you're his best friend so ... I want to stay away from any sore spots while he and I are getting to know one another. You understand?"

"Of course, I do. Nooj is getting to the age where he should start considering settling down and making a life outside the army. He can't be a Warrior forever and he needs to prepare for those days when he will need another way to make his living. Oh, sorry, I didn't mean to suggest he'll be out on the streets or something like that. It's just that war is a young man's game and unless he makes it into the ranks of the top commanders, he won't have a future swinging a sword. Not that he won't make it into those top ranks or ..." He fumbled to an awkward stop.

LeBlanc patted his cheek. "I think maybe you had better stop going down that route, my sweet. You're about to get into a swamp of quicksand. I know what you're tryng to say and it's kind of you to put it that way. Don't worry, I have enough piled up to support both of us in any style we choose for as long as we're likely to live. I've done well and could retire at any time. In fact, as soon as Sin is done away with, I think I'll go live near the edge of the Moonflow in a cottage I own there. It's a peaceful and interesting place." She crossed her legs and leaned back again, signaling that the topic was closed.

"There's just one thing more I wanted to say to you." Aquelev was more serious than LeBlanc had seen him before. "More than two centuries ago, there was a poet/warrior named Ronby who was famous both for his talent with words and for his courage. His private life was less orderly than his public one, especially where women were concerned, and he was given the epithet 'Mad, bad and dangerous to know'. Shortly after I began to get to know Nooj, it occured to me that the phrase fit him maybe better than the one it belonged to. Do be careful, dear LeBlanc."

She smiled with confidence. "He won't really hurt me. I'm sure of that He just likes to be the one callng the shots. I trust him."

Aquelev searched again for clarity. "His word is completely reliable. His behaviour is less to be trusted. He may decide to mince you into stew meat but he'll do it with perfect courtesy and with your consent. His sense of honour is impeccable. Be warned."

-X-

When the merchant had left, LeBlanc spent a considerable time re-examining everything he had said. She was aware of her tendency to make decisions based on her feelings without regard for reason. One of the ways she had clawed her way to the top of her profession was by listening to her instincts. While she was grateful to Aquelev for his concern and saw his comments as well meant, she was not persuaded. In her own mind she was convinced her relationship with Nooj was destined to be a permanent and productive one. She even considered the family they might have. For the first time in her life, she looked upon motherhood with an approving albeit speculative eye. She wondered what Aquelev might think of that and giggled at the thought of his expression if she mentioned it. She had discounted many of his cautionary words as evidence of jealousy and that would frost the green cake. It was not easy for a foreigner to share his best friend in an alien culture with another contender. She understood very well how that worked in the real world. When Nooj chose to cast his lot with her, the Al Bhed would, of a necessity, be abandoned to some degree. She would make every effort to include Aquelev in their lives but ...

Suddnly she was seized with an overwhelming passion and almost ran to the lift. Once in her room she locked the door and reached with trembling hands for the sphere waiting on her table, inserting it into her personal viewer. Ormi had done an excellent job of knitting together the images captured by the security cameras which swept her room. She was glad she had remembered to switch them on before she had gone down to greet her guest the night before. There he stood, as glorious as she had recalled. Every inch of him perfect and tantalizing. She set the device to continuous loop play and pleasured herself until the edge of her desire was blunted and she fell into a deep, if restless, sleep.

-X-

The next morning brought a letter from Nooj, expressing his apolgies for the delay in communicating and asking permission to call on her that evening. LeBlanc sent back an enthusiastic welcome and spent the day dreaming of the night to come.

"I was worried you might have been ordered back to duty. You have no idea how I would have mourned losing the chance to bid you farewell." She cooed up to him when he at last stood in her reception hall.

"With at least a kiss, I hope." He ran a hand along her jaw line and tipped up her face to demonstrate his point. When he lifted his lips from hers, he continued, "No. No assignment yet. It begins to look like I'll be staying here for a while yet. This is normal army routine: sit around for weeks then leave on an hour's notice. I ought to be used to it by now. How was your day yesterday? Did things go well for you?" He raised a suggestive eyebrow.

"Tolerably. Aquelev came to make some more purchases. Making money is always a good way to spend a day. Although not as good as some other ways." She wound her fingers in the chin-length lock of hair which curved against the right side of his face. "Would you like some supper?"

"I ate earlier," he responded with a grin. "But I have a growing appetite for dessert."

"Then let's go upstairs and see if we can satisfy that hunger." She linked her arm in his and drew him toward the curving staircase.

The night passed all too quickly for them both. The games they played increased in intensity and invention. LeBlanc was more than ever convinced of the inevitability of a future together for them. If they fit so well in this important part of life, all the rest could easily be made to conform. She lazily turned in his arms and nuzzled his smooth chest, content to have him near, warming her with his presence.

"I want to ..." Nooj explained in some detail what he proposed for their next scenario.

LeBlanc was a little dubious. She had never done some of the things he seemed to take for granted. "Can I stop it if I get scared?"

"You want a 'safe word'? Why? You don't trust me?" He frowned.

"Just for a precaution. Why not?"

"Because trust is what it's all about. If you think I'm going to hurt you, then I'll leave." He swung his legs over the side of the bed.

"No! No. Stay. I trust you. Haven't I showed you that?" She tugged at his shoulder, letting her fingers trace the scars on his back, shivering with erotic anticipation.

He leaned over her. "You're going to enjoy this, believe me."

And she did. In spite of the bruises and other marks remaining on her body after the sport, she enjoyed it. The pattern had been set. He proposed; she submitted.

As the weeks went by, their affair became a routine. He arrived late in the evening, they went upstairs and things happened. She became gradually addicted to his presence and actions until she could not imagine an existence without them. Her days were spent moving in a fog, longing for and dreading the nights, remembering the touch of his hands, rough with callouses, soft with subtlety. She knew she was being demeaned when she knelt before him and performed those acts she had never consented to do for another man and as she permitted him to use her as he chose. Still she could not refuse nor even bring herself to mount a token resistance. The need and curiosity grew at the same time and possessed her mind as Nooj possessed her body.

"I love you." She gasped after a particularly innovative session. "I love you."

He smiled confidently and kissed her nipple, arousing her again when she thought her passion was spent. "Then let me..." She was helpless at his touch.

-X-

Then it was over. He was gone.

10


	8. Chapter 8

9/2/07

**Chapter Five-A**

**The Breaking**

He had told her only that a major offensive was in the offing. It would take place at a location he was not permitted to name for security reasons and would involve an attack on the monster once it had been lured into position by the wails and scent of its progeny who had been captured in great numbers for just this purpose. There was a secret stategy to be utilized and it was all very hush-hush and important. So Nooj had said just before he kissed her goodbye and strode off to battle. She had watched him as long as he was visible among the masses thronging the streets of Luca and had stored away in her memory the image of his wide shoulders and athletic gait, his sword swinging at his side, his head high, his manner eager.

Tears prickled at her eyes and her mouth pursed into a moue as she stamped her foot. "Why are men so happy to go to war?" She asked herself and was surprised to hear a passer-by answer.

"Because it's a chance to do something good for the world. We all long for a Calm and they have the opportunity to bring it." The gentleman with the lined face and white hair tipped his hat, smiled at her and went on his way.

LeBlanc balled her fists and planted them on her hips. "Then they're fools and ought to know it." She spat back.

The elderly man paused, touched his hat brim, sketched a polite bow and murmured, "Madam, you are probably right" as he disappeared into the crowds.

LeBlanc stormed back into her house and shouted for Logos. "Find me a sculptor, at once!" she ordered.

"A sculptor, boss?" The tall thin man was confused. She had sent him on many peculiar errands, but this one was unique.

"A sculptor. You know, one of those people who make things out of stone or plastic or wood or ivory. One of those people. Get one here at once."

"Right away, ma'am." Logos set out at almost a running pace, trying even as he went to decide where he could find such a creature.

-X-

The next day, LeBlanc was interviewing a very nervous man who continually twisted his massive hands and bobbed his shaggy head as he stood before her.

"So you're Tsugin, are you? I hear you are notable for your skill in catching a likeness in any material. I require of you a life sized statue of a man I shall designate in a special material which mimics reality. It must be finished in seventy-two hours and I shall pay you this sum." She scrawled a figure on a scrap of paper and passed it across her desk.

The stocky man picked it up and unfolded it. When he saw the amount, his eyes widened and a broad grin spread across his face. "Yes, I can do this. I know the material you mean. Who's the man?"

LeBlanc inserted a sphere into the viewer on the desk and flipped the switch. "This one."

Tsugin bent over to bring his eyes close to the image. "I see. Can I have a copy of this sphere for a model? And ... do you want the statue as ... er, rampant as this?"

She thought for a moment. It had not occurred to her that she could have a choice. "Yes. Just the way he is here. And take this sphere; I had it made for your use. Just remember, you have seventy-two hours and, one more thing, if you mention this to anyone ever in your life, if you talk about this or even hint at what you have done for me, I will have you hunted down and blinded. Is that clear?"

"My lady, I will be silence itself. The honour of serving you is so great I would not sully it with any ..."

"Yes, I know. Now get on with it. Your job is to make this more real than life. Is that understood?"

"Yes, madam." The sculptor tucked the sphere in his sleeve and backed from the room, bowing at each step, unable to believe his luck. All that money, just to make a toy for a rich whore.

When the man had left her office, LeBlanc pressed the bell to summon Ormi.

"Has the case been installed?"

"Yes, ma'am. Like where you said in the corner of your room." The circular servant nodded.

"And the curtains, do they pull smoothly?"

"Just push a button and that's it. Like butter." He gestured up and down.

"Good. You may go now but be sure to have some strong reliable goons on hand in three days to finish the job. Pick ones who know how to keep their mouths shut."

"Yes, boss." He saluted smartly.

"Don't call me boss; call me madam!"

"Yes, boss." He scurried from the room with surprising speed.

-X-

Aquelev, with his close ties to the military establishment, was one of the first civilians to hear the news. His uncle and mentor, Gratti burst into the Al Bhed office all distraught.

"Have you heard? They screwed everything up. The Sinspawn called the monster but the Crusaders threw down their machina weapons and went after it with their swords and arrows and lost - naturally. We didn't train them well enough and they didn't stick with our guns. Damn fools. Now we have to start over and will probably have to pull out our big secret."

"The heavy cannon?" Aquelev looked up with interest. "I thought we were going to let them use it this time."

"No. We wanted to see it they could handle the smaller weapons first. Damn! Why wouldn't they stick to the guns? They ought to know by now that blades don't work well enough against Sin." The older man threw his armload of books across the room in frustration.

"Did they lose many troops?"

"Oh yes, like they always do when they try to take on Sin by hacking away with their primitive weapons. By the way, that Crusader you embedded with a while back was one of the casualties."

"Nooj! Dead!" Aquelev leapt to his feet. "I didn't know he was a part of this. Are you sure?"

"Well, yes, I guess so. I heard he had fallen and that usually means dead. They're so stupid and stubborn. We could have saved them if they'd listened to us." Gratti stamped around the room in a petulant fit. "Now, it'll be a year or more before they can rebuild enough to try again. If they'd stood back and shot instead of running up and hacking, they would've had a chance. Damn fools."

Stopping only to grab his briefcase, Aquelev dashed from the office in search of information. The first place he thought to go was Crusader Headquarters. Surely his reputation as a fair and reliable supplier would get him in there and he could learn - he dreaded what he might learn. He knew Nooj did not hold his own life in high regard but the thought of the extinction of that bold and daring spirit was not something to be easily borne. 'Casualty' might mean just wounded; it didn't have to mean death, he told himself and did not believe it.

Crusader Headquarters was swarming. Messengers and civilians outnumbered the uniformed personage by a large percentage. Aquelev pushed his way into the building and sidled along the edges of the corridors, looking for someone he recognized.

"Squab! Hold on for a minute." He caught the young man by the arm. "Remember me? I'm Aqulev. I was with you guys when you cleaned up the Mi'ihen Highroad."

"Hey, Aquelev. I know you. You hear about Nooj?"

"I heard he was hurt and I'm trying to find out the details."

"Sin caught him and did a real job on him. Last I heard, he was alive but that's about all."

"Where is he?"

Squab shook his head. "I hear they're bringing him to the hospital here when they can move him. I don't know much, too much confusion. We lost a lot of men and women and now they're talking about doing it all over again." Without warning, he spread his hands over his face and wrenching sobs shook his body. "Too many dead. Too many."

Aquelev embraced the weeping man, turning them both away from the curious on-lookers. After a long time, the sobs diminished and Squab pushed away from the comforting arms. "Sorry. I've got to go now."

The Al Bhed was torn in his mind. Nooj might well be alive, but in what condition? Under what terms? He shook himself. There was no proof that his friend still lived, only one man's impression of a rumour spreading around. His stomach lurched in fear; it was far more probable that the taydrcaagan had found his ending in the holocaust of this useless battle. He pushed his way on toward the commander's office.

Around him the constant clamour of grief and fear created a miasma of misery. He was only one of a multitude seeking news of their own, the brave scarlet-clad Warriors who formed the main protective wall against the predations of the monster, Sin. The news of the defeat had spread like a virus throughout the city and the families and friends had come to hear, to mourn, to vent their anger and sorrow on the only target they could reach. The crowd grew denser every minute until movement was nearly impossible and the sheer quantity of the mob's emotion erected its own barriers.

Sweating and near fainting, Aquelev slid into an almost invisible passageway which he knew led to the purchasing department. It was a path with which he was very familiar due to his business dealings with the army. A few more turns and he opened a door he knew well. The head of supplies was behind his usual desk, looking harried but more collected than any other of the officers Aquelev had seen that day.

"Vlax. I've come to see you." The Al Bhed waved his briefcase as a sort of entry ticket, glad that he had thought to scoop it up on his way out of his own office. "I need to ..."

"Sorry. We've not doing any business today. You'll have to leave; I'm on my way to a meeting."

"No. Wait just a minute. Please."

Vlax looked at the man's face and quickly realized this was no casual visit. Not even an Al Bhed would get that emotional over mere materiel. "What's the matter?"

Aquelev gasped, "My friend. He's a Crusader. Do you have a list of casualties?"

"Sit down. You look like you're about to collapse. We've got a partial llst. What's your friend's name and rank, if you know it?"

"Captain Nooj."

Vlax pushed a few buttons on his desk communicator. "He's listed. Hurt really bad and on his way to the hospital here."

"But alive?"

"So far. He should be here in an hour or two - if things go well. I'll give you a chit to get you in to see him."

"Can you do that? I'd be so grateful." Aquelev felt the world spin around him and leaned over the officer's desk. "You're a good man, Vlax."

The other shrugged. "You've done a lot for us and we owe you. It's no trouble." He scribbled on a bit of official-looking paper and handed it over to Aquelev. "Here. Show this to the guards at the hospital and they'll let you through. We're trying to keep the place clear so the Healers and Mages can do their work without delay. If he gets to them, your Captain should be all right."

Aquelev folded the pass and tucked it into his breast pocket, moving with exaggerated care. He started back the way he had come.

"Here, hold on. You're in no shape to go out there again. Sit down and have a shot of brandy. Then I'll let you out the back way. If you fall down in that crush out front, we won't find your body for days." Vlax pushed gently and the Al Bhed sank into the straight chair behind him and accepted the small glass an assistant offered. "There's no hurry. Your friend won't be there for a while yet."

The military men politely ignored Aquelev while he recovered his balance and practiced deep breathing for a few minutes until his heart slowed its frantic beat. When he felt well enough to go and stood up, one of the junior officers took him by the elbow and guided him through the maze of corridors to a small door which led outside. True to Vlax's word, it debouched into an alley which was blessedly free of crowds and confusion. Aquelev paused to get his bearings from the skyline and, spotting the distinctive shape of the hospital tower, set his course accordingly.

-X-

The crowd at the entrance to the hospital was, if anything, even more dense than the one at Crusader Headquarters. Like grain in a windstorm, the packed mob was continually swept by contradictory rumours. "Fresh casualties coming in!" "No, just a bunch of Healers, make way." "Sin's on his way, we're all gonna die." "I hear hovers. The army's coming."

Aquelev managed to wriggle and twist his way to the blocked and fortified doors. After a frustrating period of waving his pass at blank faces, one of the guards took the time to glance at the signature and open the gate enough for him to slip inside. It was cooler there, away from the press of panicked bodies and he finally located a place where people seemed to know what was happening.

"Yes, we just received a group of wounded and they're being taken to rooms right now. Look over there for a list of names and locations." A harried woman with her hair stuck full of styluses pointed him in another direction and turned to the next man approaching the desk.

The Al Bhed ran his finger down the list on the board and found the name he was hoping to see. "Floor five, room one twenty four," he muttered to himself and set out to locate a lift.

On the fifth floor, there was a precarious quiet, a sense of waiting for the next horror to occur. Aquelev stood irresolute, looking for some guidance as to in which corridor the room he sought might be.

"You lost, buddy?" The speaker was a skinny young man with damp hair caught up in a bandeau; his name tag identified him only as "Orderly."

"Yes, I'm hunting a Captain Nooj, one of the Crusaders just arrived here."

The sweating orderly looked at the pass and said, "Yeah. He's here; right in there. He's one of mine. Go on in."

When he saw the figure strapped to the narrow bed, Aquelev did not recognize it at first. "Where's his hair?"

"I dunno. Things get lost when we're picking up the pieces. If you look real hard, you'll see he's missing a few more important things than his hair."

It was so. Peering through the dimness of the room, Aquelev could see that the left side of Nooj's body was swathed in layers of bandages through which the crimson blood was inexorably seeping. From his left shoulder down there was nothing and the lower part of the left leg was gone as well.

"We're gonna try to save his knee but it may not work. In fact, we may not even save his life." The young man laughed shakily and Aquelev looked at him sharply.

"Can I stay here? With him?"

"Yeah, why not? He prolly won't make it anyway."

At first, Aquelev thought the youth was drunk and was outraged. Then he realized the slurred speech was due to a fatigue so great that even the lips and tongue could no longer function properly.

Nooj tossed on the narrow bed, seeming to fight against the bands holding him to the mattress. His lips moved and his eyelids fluttered as though he was trying to communicate. Aquelev bent over him, his ear close to the cracked lips.

A stream of mostly incoherent sounds emerged amongst which few could be made out. The man moaned and struggled to escape, the remains of his shoulder flexing and sending fresh blood to dye the once white wrappings. "Ne... Die. Let go. Go. Ka? Here? He..me."

The Al Bhed stroked the damp forehead and was horrified to feel the heat rising from the bruised and lacerated flesh. "Nooj, be still. You're in the hospital. They're going to help you. Don't try to move."

The man on the bed seemed not to hear, continuing his choked repetition of apparently random words. Aquelev murmured soothing sounds, trying to calm his delirious friend.

"Can't you give him something to ease him?" He demanded of the orderly who was leaning against the wall, his body seemingly on the verge of sliding down into a heap on the floor.

"'S had as much as he can tolerate for now. Don't want to kill him before he's due."

"He's not going to die!" Aquelev shouted. "He's too strong and he's too stubborn. He's going to live and make a liar out of you."

"Shut up, you. This is a hospital and if you can't be quiet, you'll have to leave."

"Sorry. It's just he's my friend and ..." Aquelev knelt at the bedside and wept helplessly.

"What's going on here?" A deep, commanding voice shattered the scene.

"Doctor, sir! I'm taking care of this soldier and this here's his friend." The orderly snapped to attention, his tiredness suddenly a thing of the past.

"Well, he'll have to get out of the way. We've got some decisions to make here."

Aquelev pushed himself up and scurried to a corner lest he be evicted from the room altogether.

The man in the Healers' robes beckoned to a small group waiting in the doorway. "This is the one. You think you can do it?"

The short man who swaggered up to the bedside was an Al Bhed, carrying the tools of an engineer. He examined Nooj carefully, paying no attention to the wounded man's distress. A piercing scream filled the room as the engineer made a brusque move in the region of the shoulder.

At first Aquelev did not understand that the cry had come from Nooj since it seemed unlikely that the Warrior could make such a sound, so shrill and agonized. He had never seem Nooj weep, much less cry out in pain. It took all his will power not to rush forward and push the other Al Bhed away from the bed.

"Still has nerves there. That's good." The man turned his attention to the leg. "Not so good here. You'll have to take off another six inches or so to get to healthy tissue for us to use."

"That means he'll lose the knee." The Healer interjected.

"So? It's no good to him the way it is. Is this the one they're talking about downstairs?"

"Yes. He's the one who saved that ..."

"OK, just so we know who we're talking about. He's worth the trouble and it'll be a good advertisement for us. Get him into the OR if he survives the night and I'll have the replacements there for you by early morning. Let me get a coupla measurements. - There. I'm done here."

The party wheeled and exited, leaving Aquelev and the orderly alone again with Nooj.

"What was all that about?"

"Damify know." The orderly rummaged in his bag. "I'm going to change these dressing so I can give him another shot. It's gonna hurt him bad. You wanna help me?"

"I'll do what I can. Tell me what you want."

"Go over to the other side and keep him as still as you can. If he jerks, it'll hurt worse."

Aquelev watched as the orderly gently peeled back the outer layer of wrapping and sponged away as much blood and body fluid as possible. The tenderness of the man's touch revealed a kind professionalism beneath the rough exterior. When he reached the place where the linen was glued to the wounds with dried blood, Nooj began to scream again.

"I'm going to leave this. They'll soak it off in the morning while he's under. May have to scrape it free. Now let's get this crap off his body. Hold him still, damn it."

"I'm trying."

When the bandages were lifted from Nooj's torso, Aquelev had to turn aside and retch. The entire left side looked as though a torch had been played along the flesh, leaving it burned and partially melted. The smell of charred flesh added its dreadful reek to the already fetid atmosphere.

The intern looked at his helper with sympathy. "It takes some getting used to. It's all right. It's almost over. Just the stump of the leg. We'll just change the top layer there, too. C'mon, you can do it." His fingers were busy with his task, layering on clean linen and stroking tapes gently against the bruised and battered skin.

"Is he likely to bleed to death?" Aquelev nervously observed the scarlet threads already showing on the white fabric.

"Nah. That's just seepage. If any of the big tubes were still spouting, he'd be gone already. See, that's another reason I didn't bother the bottom layer. It's helping keep the clotting in place."

"Can't the Healers do something more?"

"They've done as much as they can. Believe me, they try their best and do miracles but after a certain point it's up to the one that's hurt. If he's as stubborn as you say, he may make it."

When as much as could be done had been done, the orderly replaced the protective straps and injected his patient with a clear liquid, watching with a frown as Nooj took two deep breaths and became still.

"I hope I haven't killed the poor bastard. Sounds like they're going to operate on him in the morning and do something to try to put him back together. Them Al Bhed have some tricks I never heard of."

"I'm Al Bhed." Aquelev spoke quietly.

"Yeah. You are." The thin youth looked at the other closely for the first time. "I didn't notice in all the fuss. It's OK. We're all Spirans today. You can stay with him if you want to. I won't tell anybody and I'll snag you a bed if I can. A chair anyway."

"Thank you. I'll stay."

"There's some water over on the window ledge. And a rag. You can sponge him if you want to. Helps with the fever. Call me if you need me. If he starts to die, use your own judgment. ... It might be better just to let him go."

It was only when he was stretched out on a sagging cot within arm's reach of the now sleeping or unconscious Nooj that Aquelev realized he should have sent word to LeBlanc.

12


	9. Chapter 9

9/8/07

**Chapter Six-A**

**The Key**

Aquelev had been bending over the recumbent body of Nooj, sponging the burning face and trying to quiet the agonized moans when the team came in from the operating theatre.

"OK, nurse, stand aside. We'll take over now." The apparent leader of the team barked as his followers prepared to wheel the bed out the door.

Aquelev managed to stroke the short ragged hair of his friend and whisper a last word of encouragement as they briskly took him away. Tears, whether of exhaustion or worry, streaked the Al Bhed's face. He had been up on and off throughout the night, unable to fall into a sound sleep while Nooj was in such pain. The coming of the dawn light had revealed more clearly the extent of the damage done to the broken man. The hair, which Aquelev had originally thought to have been cut, was charred from fire and in places torn from the scalp by its roots. The thin, fine-boned face was swollen and disfigured with bruises and cuts. And the bandages over the places where the arm and leg had been torn away continued to weep rivulets of blood. He could not tell if Nooj knew he was there or not. His friend's eyes remained closed and he did not respond to his name.

When the medical group had left with their patient, Aquelev gathered his belongings and slowly headed for the door. A feeling of dull fear weighed down his footsteps.

The orderly from the night before, now in a freshly starched coat with a tag reading "Nurse", approached him. "You kept him alive, I see. He'll be in surgery for at least the rest of today and probably part of tomorrow, so you might as well go on home. Keep that pass you had last night; that'll let you in again when he's out of the butchers' hands. I'll try to keep tabs on him for you if you want to come back up here tomorrow."

"Thank you, you've been kinder than I deserve. I appreciate it."

"Don't see much devotion like yours around. And him not even your kin." The man patted Aquelev on the back. "Now, go on home and get some rest. Won't help him for you to end up in here." He started to enter the adjoining room and then turned back. "Why didn't you tell me he was a hero? Nooj. I'm not likely to forget his name after all this. Hope he makes it." With that, he was gone.

-X-

LeBlanc sat numbly after Aquelev had left, her hands clenched until the fingernails cut into the palms. He had told her the bald facts, making no effort to soften them. His evident exhaustion had prevented her from pressing him for further information. She had spent the preceding day working out the details of an intricate business deal. The task had kept her at her desk continually, even taking her meals there. So she had heard nothing of the catastrophic defeat and was unaware of the turmoil in the streets. Besides, Nooj had only been gone a week and he has assured her that major military engagements took a long time to get under way. She had been completely unprepared for ... this.

Nooj was broken, torn apart and near death. She whispered the words over and over to herself but they resisted comprehension. What she had learned did not fit with her memories of the man. He was indestructible, immortal. Why, she had his image upstairs in her bedroom. That was the real Nooj. Not this thing Aquelev had described, writhing and moaning on a bloody sheet. No. That was a nightmare, a fantasy born of too much worry and injudicious combinations of wine and liquers in the evening.

"Logos!" she screamed, forgetting to use the bell at hand. "Logos!"

The tall, lanky form materialized in front of her. "Madam? What's wrong?"

"Have you heard any news from the battle yesterday?"

"Yes, ma'am. I'm sorry."

"You knew and you didn't tell me?" Her voice was a disbelieving wail.

"I thought you already knew and didn't want to talk about it. I'm sorry, ma'am." He bent almost in double in his effort to show his distress. "I'm sorry."

"I know you are. Is is true? Is he hurt? How badly?"

"Yes, ma'am. He's hurt, I hear very badly. I hear he's at the hospital here in the city." He offered this tidbit of news hopefully. "It's the best one on Spira and they'll take care of him."

"Sin took him and tore him apart. I don't think even the best Healers and Mages can fix those kinds of injuries. Go to the hospital and see what news you can find out. Now!"

"Yes, ma'am. I'll be back as soon as I can."

"Don't come back until you know something certain. Bribe whoever you have to. You know where the cash is kept."

"Yes, ma'am. I'll take enough to buy what you need to know."

As her servant left, LeBlanc pushed back her chair and rose shakily from her desk. Sitting still was intolerable. Should she have gone to the hospital herself? No, not if Nooj was still in surgery; she wouldn't have been able to see him and she would be more useful pulling strings from her own position of power.

"Ormi! Get in here."

He had come to just outside the door when he heard her call for Logos and was waiting. "Yes, boss."

LeBlanc had recovered most of her practical senses. She prided herself on being the cool, hard-headed businesswoman who could get things done. Now, she had an idea and was spurred to move quickly.

"You know about Captain Nooj? What's happened to him?" she asked.

Ormi nodded gravely, not daring to speak lest he say the wrong thing.

"We need to get something done as fast as possible," she instructed the man. "Call the firm we always use to do our remodeling and get them over here to gut the fourth floor and turn it into a hospital and rehabilitation unit. I want it done yesterday. Now go!"

"Boss, shouldn't we wait to see if he'll ...?"

"Shut up! If we build it, he'll come here. Where else will he go? He'll need months of care and we can provide it. You think he's rather stay in that hospital or here? Now, get it started." She snapped her fan against her hip and glared.

"But ... we don't know if he's alive or -"

"He's alive; don't ever even think anything else. He'll be here where we can help him in a few days, you'll see. Now, do what I told you. You want the Heel?"

The short rotund man paled and waddled from the room.

Her need for action satisfied, LeBlanc sat down again and started a note to Aquelev, telling him what she proposed and asking him to call on her when he had rested and had fresh news.

-X-

When Aquelev wearily opened the door to his apartment, it was to find that a strange man was waiting in his sitting room.

"I beg your pardon, sir." The man leapt to his feet when he saw the Al Bhed enter the room. "Your landlord said I could wait here. Vlax, over at Headquarters, sent me."

"Oh. Why?" He was too tired for his usual courtesy.

"He thought you might want to know what happened to Captain Nooj. If you haven't heard the story yet?" There was a hesitant note in the man's voice and Aquelev noticed he was sporting several bandages and stood a little unevenly.

"Sit down, please. I've heard nothing. I was at the hospital all night and just left a little while ago."

"How's he doing?"

"In surgery. Now tell me."

"OK. There was this squad of Crusaders trapped on the causeway and Sin rose up right beside us. We were goners for sure 'til Nooj came racing toward us like a berserker. I never saw a man run that fast! Looked like he was flying. Right at Sin, yelling as loud as he could and swinging that giant sword of his. He ran right past, cutting Sin as he went and Sin followed him."

"You were one of the trapped Crusaders?" Aquelev interrupted.

"Yeah. I'd be dead if the Captain hadn't done what he did." The young man looked and the floor and gulped. "He saved us."

"Go on."

"Well, Sin caught him. He ... he was swung up in the air and sort of exploded. But not before he got another cut into Sin and bloodied him enough to chase him out of there. It sort of all happened at the same time."

"Is there more?"

"Just that when we got to the Captain he was hurt ... hurt bad. It was like he was broken in pieces and we couldn't find them all. We thought he was dead. Our Healers did the best they could and stopped most of the heavy bleeding and we got him off the causeway and we all made it back." He slowly dragged his words to a stop as though he wished he had more to say and could not find it. "We really thought he was dead before the Healers said he was just unconscious."

"Thank you for telling me." Aquelev knew he should try to comfort the messenger but, somehow, he had no energy. "He is a brave if foolhardy man."

"Is he going to make it? Can they fix him?"

"I don't know. He made it through the night when I didn't think he could and the surgeons are busy right now. They're planning to try to make things better, I think. We'll know more in a day or so. Please give Vlax my thanks and tell him I'll get in touch as soon as I know anything new. And I thank you for having been there and telling me the story."

When he was finally alone, Aquelev sank back into his chair and tried to sort out all the experiences of the past day. It was only natural that people should try to find something positive in the wake of a catastrophe like the battle just past. It seemed Nooj's instinctive act of courage was to turn him into the hero of the day, the justification for the deed. He deserved the credit - if only it did not come at so great a price.

-X-

When next Aquelev saw Nooj, it was under very different conditions. The sun was shining, the streets were at their usual level of congestion with moderate crowds moving about their business in a routine fashion. The hospital was back to normal with bustling professionals progressing along the corridors in pristine robes and coats. He went to the fifth floor and found his usual mentor with no trouble.

"Yes, he survived and is up two floors. I don't know the room number but the woman at the desk will be able to direct you." The thin young man smiled and lightly touched the merchant's shoulder. "I hear things went even better than expected and he's going to recover. I'm glad of it." This time the tag on his chest read "Therapist".

On the seventh floor, Aquelev had no trouble locating the room where Nooj was to be found. He pushed open the door to see a small but sunlight-filled space with his friend lying on a spotless bed, motionless and pale. The top half of the bed had been raised so that its inhabitant lay on an inclined plane, still held securely by two wide straps across his chest and his hips. To the sudden terror of the Al Bhed, Nooj's eyes were wrapped about with windings of white linen.

"Nooj, are you awake?"

The voice was still weak but coherent. "Yes, who is it? Is it Aquelev? Why can't I see anything?" His hand tried to reach to his face but was prevented by the bindings.

Aquelev noticed a very short, comfortably plump woman unfolding some material in the corner. "Nurse, you there! Why don't you answer his questions? Why aren't you tending to your patient?"

The woman looked up, smiled and beckoned Aquelev away from the bed, out of earshot of the man who lay there. She stood on the very tips of her toes and whispered up into the waiting ear. "Bless you, dearie, I'm not a nurse. I'm a Fassie." She pointed to her tag which read "Facillitator". "It's my job to come back with them from the OR and get them settled in. I've told him at least half a dozen times what he's asking about but he's still a little under the post-op spell and keeps forgetting."

"Then tell me why his eyes are bandaged? I'll remember."

"They were damaged a little bit by the attack and need to be protected for a day or so until the Healers can see what's best to be done. No worry."

"He's not blind?" Aquelev heard the tremor in his own voice.

"Goodness no. Nothing like that. He may need spectacles but he can still see just fine with a little help. Now, you just go visit with him and don't mind me. I'll get things sorted out. He just got back from recovery about an hour ago." She skipped back to her work with a merry wave.

"Nooj. It's me, Aquelev. Your eyes are fine. It's just the light is bright in here and they're being protected."

"I'm glad you're here. What happened to me? How badly am I hurt? Why can't I move?"

"Sin caught you and did a job while you were rescuing some Crusaders. You were hurt pretty bad and it's taking a while to treat you adequately." While keeping his voice level and calmly reassuring, he examined the peculiar changes to the left side of Nooj's body, the products of the labour of surgeons and engineers. The sheet was drawn up to the patient's chest but he could make out the shape of a leg and foot under the linen and the prosthetic arm was plainly visible. It was machina, brightly polished and ending in a hand formed by rods and pulleys. There seemed to be something wrong about the scene. He had never before seen a replacement limb which did not have some sort of strapping to hold it in place. Only slowly and with growing horror, did he come to realize that the arm was apparently connected directly to the living flesh instead of being removable. The metal at the shoulder went into the swollen tissue with no visible break. With slow caution, he folded down the covering over the torso and saw a metallic sheath over the left hip of his friend. To his incredulous eyes, rivets seemed to be piercing the sheath and extending into the body of the Warrior, forming a connecting point for the machina leg which matched the design and appearance of the arm. There, too, the glittering metal disappeared into the red and puffy skin of the wound.

"I can't feel anything. Is there much damage?" Nooj tried to twist his body. He hesitated and his voice became a broken whisper. "Am I still a man?"

"Yes. There's no damage there, I swear. You're still as you were. Now, stop fighting the restraints. You're strapped down so you won't hurt yourself. Yes, there's a lot of damage and you can't feel because you're under a spell to keep the pain down."

"Did the squad escape?"

"Yes. They all did. I talked to one of them yesterday. You're a great hero, Nooj." He patted the undamaged shoulder and smoothed back the lock of hair which had survived on the right side of the head.

Nooj laughed shortly, at least it sounded like a laugh. "I don't want to be a hero. I want to be out of here. Am I going to die?"

"No. Not this time. How much can you remember?"

There was a period of silence during which the injured man seemed to drowse a bit. "Not much. Running down the causeway. Did I kill Sin?"

"Nearly, but not quite. You damaged him badly though and drove him off, spewing blood."

Nooj moved his head, restlessly. "Why can't I see anything? Turn on the lights. I should have died. I meant to."

Aquelev spent the remainder of the day in the hospital room with Nooj. The injured man slept, woke and slept again, each time becoming a little more aware and remembering more of what he was told. As the medical spell receded, the pain began to return but he would not permit that a nurse be called.

"I don't like that confused feeling. You're sure she said I wasn't blinded? My left arm and leg hurt. Are they intact?"

"You're not blind. She made that clear and the doctors will consult with you about all the rest. I'm not any good about medical things. You ought to remember that. I went to see LeBlanc after I left here yesterday."

"Why? This is nothing to her. How long have I been here anyway?"

Aquelev was grateful for the change in subject. He did not want to be the one to tell Nooj that the arm and leg were gone, replaced by Al Bhed mechanisms. "LeBlanc has a right to know. She cares about you, more than you've realized. Don't be cruel to her. As to time, you were brought in here late two days ago, spent a day and a half in surgery and are now on your third day in Luca's hospital."

"Luca. I didn't realize I was here. I guess I thought I was in Bevelle with the monks." He was abruptly asleep again.

When he woke, it was obvious that the pain was getting the upper hand. He alternated between lying rigidly still as though paralyzed and moving as much as his restraints permitted. He talked less and when he did, he babbled, not making much sense. Aquelev felt his forehead and could tell he was feverish. At last, disregarding the broken man's orders, the Al Bhed pressed the bell to summon help.

The Healer who responded was a middle-aged woman, her face set into an expression of compassionate concern. She bustled into the room with a reassuring swirl of robes, accompanied by a pair of obsequious apprentices.

"Now let's see what the trouble is," she cooed as she bent over her patient who was clenching his teeth in pain as he tried not to move or cry out under her examination. "Hm... Looks like we're trying to get an infection at the site of the insertions. Here, Lalya, get a pad under that draining!"

The first helper immediately slipped a folded square of gauze under the left shoulder where a thin yellowish trickle was making its way down the machina rod which penetrated the flesh. At the touch, Nooj gasped and quickly bit down on his lip.

The Healer laid a cool hand on his burning brow. "Go ahead and make as much noise as you need to. It's all right. I'm going to make things better right now." She shifted her hands so that one lay lightly on the site of the shoulder surgery and the other on the stump of the left leg. Closing her eyes, she furrowed her brow and then let her features relax into serenity as a glow spread from under her palms, irradiating the swollen and inflamed areas beneath.

The tension began to leave Nooj's muscles and he breathed more easily. His right hand grew limp against his thigh as the healing aura worked its way across his battered body.

The Healer murmured almost as a lullaby. "Sleep now, my dear one. The pain will go and you can rest. You will forget this and will become stronger as you sleep. There is no reason for you to store this in your memory. Let it go. Let it fade and sleep."

His face smoothed and the cut his teeth had left in his lower lip closed without a trace as he slipped ever more deeply into a restorative sleep.

"There. That should do it. We were expecting something like this. It's hard to join such different materials as flesh and metal and not get infection. No matter how hard the engineers try, they can't completely sterilize the machina. I've added some special additives to the standard spells so he should sleep for a long while - almost certainly through the night - and be more comfortable when he wakes. The infection should not recur." Aquelev did not know if she was talking to him or to her students. It did not matter; her words and demeanour were greatly comforting and he found hope taking root in his heart.

When he was once again alone with Nooj, he turned down the coverlet and noted the inflammation had subsided. Touching his friend's forehead, he found it cool and dry. He carefully drew the sheet up again and gently draped a light blanket over the sleeping form. Nooj lay peacefully and seemingly at ease, his breath deep and regular. Aquelev took the flaccid right hand in his own and held it for a few minutes before moving tiredly to the desk and reporting to the charge nurse that he was leaving. He still had a visit to LeBlanc to make before he sought his bed. At least he could tell the woman things were progressing and that Nooj would live. For a while. Until he could find another way to die.

11


	10. Chapter 10

9/12/07

**Chapter Seven-A**

**Agendas**

Gratti sprawled in the chair across the desk from his nephew. "I've just come from a strategy session. You probably know by now that we offered our newest and most advanced prosthetic prototypes to your Crusader friend."

Aquelev looked up in surprise. "I didn't know we were involved in that. Why? Why pick him?"

"He's a hero aind if we're ever going to get our modern weapons accepted in the army, we need to tie them to ..."

The younger man stood, his balled fists planted on his desk. "You're using him to push a business deal?"

Gratti spread his hands in the universal merchant's gesture. "He can't use a sword anymore. So if he ever goes back into combat, he'll have to use a gun. We just say how we returned a Great Warrior to the field complete with a new arm and leg and armed with a new weapon. It's a natural."

Aquelev's lip curled in disgust. "How long have you been planning this?"

"Oh, it was a spur of the moment decision. When we heard his story, I remembered how impressed you had been with him, then somebody mentioned the new prosthetics and ..." He snapped his fingers and shrugged. "It just all fit together. Perfect!"

"I think you may have missed something. Nooj is y taydrcaagan."

"I hadn't heard that, but what does it matter? Just means he'll be in even more of a hurry to get back to the front - unless you think he'd rather cut his own throat. They don't do that. Do they?"

"Not usually and I'm fairly certain Nooj won't. But do you really want to put him in position to hunt death again, especially after what's happened?"

"You think it'd be better to let him moulder away in a nursing home? Think that'll make him happier?"

"Go away, Uncle. I'm too tired to argue with you."

So that was what they were up to. The fancy arm and leg were business ploys. He should have known; his people were never ones to let a chance slip.

-X-

"Have you seen him? Is he really alive? Is it just the arm and leg? Tell me everything you know." LeBlanc burst out as soon as the Al Bhed was shown into the reception room.

He held up his hands in a gesture of both surrender and calm. "Sh. Sh. Yes, I've seen him and talked to him. He's alive and nothing's wrong with his brain. He's still Nooj - impatient, more bad-tempered than ever. You know, you know ..." He hastened his words as she threathened to interrupt. "You know about the arm and leg. That's the worst of it although there was some damage to his eyes - nothing spectacles can't correct. He's lucky to be here and not on the FarPlane."

"He's not blind, is he? Tell me he's not blind."

"Dear LeBlanc, I just told you spectacles will take care of it." Aquelev patted her hand. "He's going to be all right. He's past the worst - physically, anyway."

She thought for a moment, her brow furrowed. "You said his mind was all right. I think you're hiding something. What's wrong? You have to tell me. I'm turning a whole floor of this place into a hospital for him to have his therapy in private. I know how he hates having people around him when he's not in command. Will you help me get him here? He listens to you and you can talk him into it."

I was with extreme difficulty that Aquelev disengaged himself from the woman and made his belated way to the hospital. He was beginning to feel like the ball in a three-corned game.

-X-

Aquelev knew things had changed the instant he opened the door. "'Lev, have you seen what they've done to me?" The voice held such despair, the merchant felt tears stinging at his eyes.

Nooj was lying, propped on the inclined plane of the mattress. His eyes were uncovered save for wire-framed spectacles sliding down his narrow nose. He was still held to the bed by the fabric bands across his chest and hips and the sheet was pulled over his legs. He looked more familiar, less of a caricature of himself although no one would ever again call him young. The events of the past week had aged and changed him in profound ways.

Aquelev could find nothing to say, no answers to the question.

"Why didn't you tell me?" Nooj continued.

"Because I'm a coward. I didn't want to be the one who..."

"So you left me to learn when they unbandaged my eyes. The first thing I saw were these - these travesties where my limbs had been. You could have warned me. You were my friend." 

"Nooj, I'm sorry. I didn't know what to do. You seemed so fragile. I - I didn't do the right thing. I know I didn't but I thought you were going to die."

The maimed man tried to twist his body on the narrow bed. "I should have. Better that than this."

"But you're alive and these limbs are far better than the ones that used to be available. You'll be able to walk and use both hands." Aquelev pasted what he hoped was a reassuring smile on his face.

Nooj looked at him with a horrified expression. "Have you forgotten? I don't want to live, especially not like this. I was trying to die. Why didn't they leave me alone to get it over with? What business was it of theirs?"

The Al Bhed moved to the bed and laid a calming hand on his friends right arm. "You're a hero and they felt like they had to save you. You almost died anyway that first night. I was here." He paused to consider what he was about to say. "I knew what you wanted and I would have let you go."

"Why didn't you put a pillow over my face and help me? You could have done that for me." Nooj snarled, baring his teeth.

"I couldn't do that. I couldn't help you but I wouldn't have stopped you. Give it a chance, Nooj. You're strong and brave, stubborn too. You proved that the first night. You don't give up easily, so try."

"Look at me, damn you! I'm half man, half monster, thanks to your tribe of meddlers. What sort of life am I likely to have?"

Aquelev examined the recumbent body. "The sort of life you let yourself have. You haven't even heard yet what these can do and how they work. Use your brain, man. All the important parts are intact. You can still think and reason. All you have to do is learn to use the new arm and leg and you'll be very nearly what you were. You still have a lot to offer the world."

"My eyes..."

"Are fine. So you need spectacles. So? I tell you, everything important is still there. You're still a man and still a Warrior. Do you have any idea how strong that left hand is? You'll be able to rip the throats out of fiends with one twist. Give it a chance."

Nooj was still for a long moment. "Will you undo these damned straps? I need to shift position. If you're here in the room, I'm not likely to fall off the bed and perish on the cold floor."

When his arm was free, Nooj moved his hand under the sheet, first to his groin, and then up to his face where he pushed the spectacles back to the bridge of his nose. "It seems I am to be spared few indignities. This is the first time I've had the use of my hand since - since all this happened." He then moved the hand over to touch the machina arm lying inertly at his side. When he made contact with the device, he flinched in spite of himself.

"Painful?"

"The surgeon who came in this morning insists that's a good sign. It shows the nerves are still functional. I'm not sure I understand it but it seems they have somehow connected these things to my nerves and expect me to move them with my mind."

"Amazing." Aquelev marveled. "I didn't know we'd gotten that far." He watched as Nooj reached toward his left leg, noting the hand again paused briefly under the sheet in the area of the groin.

Nooj pushed back the cover from his hip and inspected the metal sheath. "They said they pinned this directly into the bone of my thigh to reinforce the attachment and make it stronger. It's very sensitive." He was almost apologetic as though admitting to any pain was a disgrace. Abruptly, he stopped talking and Aquelev could see his body trembling.

"What's wrong? Shall I call someone?"

"No. It's nothing. Hand me a blanket. I get these chills, nothing important; they go away." His teeth were chattering and he seemed to contract into a smaller form as the shaking spread throughout his body.

"Here." The Al Bhed tucked one blanket tightly around his friend and draped another across him, wrapping it close to his chin. He laid a hand on Nooj's brow and found it to be clammy, almost frigid. "I think I should call a Healer. How often does this happen?"

'O-only the second time. D-d-don't worry. It'll pass." The broken man huddled under the covers and closed his eyes. "Better already."

"You're still weak. Stop trying to impress me and take it easy."

A faint smile traced itself across the lips and Nooj nodded silently.

After a few minutes, he stirred again. "You say they saved me and installed these things because I'm a hero and they needed one. Does this mean they're going to let me back into battle?"

"I don't know."

"If it'll get me back to active duty, I'll work with these abominations. I'll do what they tell me to. Promise me, Aquelev, that when I fall again, you'll fight for my right to be left alone. I'll go back and be their hero if it gains me another chance at Death. And freedom from these horrors." The last was said under his breath.

"I don't want to make a promise I might not be able to keep. Even if you'd been open about being taydrcaagan they would have still saved you this time. They needed you."

"Then just swear you'll try or I'll turn my face to the wall and will my death this very day."

Aquelev nodded reluctantly. "I swear I will do what I can to make sure your wishes are heeded."

Nooj pushed the covers down from his chest and looked intently at the burned tissue running down his side. "This will hinder my ability to bend and stretch." He grimaced. "And won't make me any more human in appearance."

"Are you warmer now? That scar tissue will get more flexible as you heal. Therapists will have special exercises to to help and the colour will fade gradually. Are you thinking about women?"

Nooj gave a bitter, grating laugh. "Not likely any time in the foreseeable future. It's just as well that was never of great importance to me."

Aquelev remembered the halting question from the day before and the checks executed by the questing hand just a little while ago, but kept his peace. This was not the time to challenge the damaged man.

"If you're so determined to get back to action as quickly as possible, LeBlanc's offered you a place to heal and train. She's turning the fourth floor of her mansion into a suite for you and a team of therapists to use." He was almost frightened by the look which distorted Nooj's face.

"Are you out of your mind? I won't do it!" The man on the high bed almost shouted his response.

"Be rational, Nooj. It makes all the sense in the world. LeBlanc has arranged things so you can have complete privacy while you recover and learn to use your new limbs. She's even hired a team of Al Bhed engineers to keep everything working properly and therapists to keep you progressing."

"You want me to move into her establishment while I'm helpless? That woman's a man-eater! Can't you find someplace else?"

"You're the most infuriating man I ever knew. No - I can't find another place. You either stay here or accpt the lady's generous offer. Your decision." Aquelev folded his arms and leaned back in his chair.

Nooj tried to shift on the bed but the heavy prostheses held him as firmly as if he had still been bound by the strips of linen. He glared fiercely at the other. "Whose side are you on, anyway? Has she bribed you to try to persuade me?"

"How could she? She's got nothing I want or need. No, I'm thinking of you and your stubborness. Nooj, you'll hate it here in the hospital or in regular rehabilitation facilities. LeBlanc has promised to leave you alone in your own part of the house and not even ask that you see her until you're ready."

"Has she? Will she keep her word? I don't want her to see me like I am now."

"If it'll help, I'll move in too and make sure she keeps her distance. Believe me this'll be better for you than any other solution."

"You'd do that for me?"

"Of course. I can conduct my business as easily from LeBlanc's place as from my own apartment - easier even. And it'll partly atone for keeping you alive that first night." He laughed a bit nervously.

Nooj did not even smile. "I can leave if I want to?"

"Yes, she'll have no hold on you at all."

"All right, I'll try it and see how it works out." Nooj's tone was grudging but Aquelev's spirits leapt with joy at the words.

-X-

Because he did not want to be seen in a state of helplessness, Nooj arrived at the hotel in darkness, entering the basement floor at the rear of the building near the middle of the night and being transported by lift to the fourth floor in great secrecy. He was closely screened at all times and LeBlanc kept her word and her distance.

Even though much care had been taken to make it as easy as possible on him, the move had left Nooj sick and trembling in his weakness.

"It's all done now, my friend," Aquelev spoke quietly and laid a gentle hand on the man's forehead. "You'll be getting a shot soon and can rest. Do you want me to stay with you tonight?"

Nooj accepted a sip of water before he could force his dry lips to form words. "Yes, if it's not too much to ask. I would like knowing you're near in this place."

"I'll have a cot brought in and be right at your side if you need me. Then tomorrow I'll move in the rest of my things."

"I'm so cold. It feels like the metal from these damnable things is channeling its nature into the very core of me and making it as cold as they are. I don't think I'll ever be warm again." His teeth chattered as he spoke.

"Here, there're some blankets on the chest over here. I'll put a couple over you and tuck them in to hold the heat. Is that better?"

"Yes. You're very kind to me, Aquelev. Why?"

"Because you're worth it and you're fighting for my life and the lives of my people. Besides, I like talking to you." Aquelev's heart was breaking to see the strong, fearless man brought to such straits - so helpless and frail.

The other tried to shape a smile but it quickly turned to a grimace as a nurse injected a tranquilizer into his right bicep. "Thank you. I expect I'll be asleep soon."

The Al Bhed smoothed the coverings over the battered body and did not speak, hoping he had not been wrong to push this arrangement. He resolved to put all his other affairs on hold in order to keep his friend protected and as calm as was reasonable to hope.

-X-

The morning came and the work began. Therapists and engineers gathered as thickly as swarming bees around Nooj as he lay propped up on his bed. Healers cast strengthening spells to re-inforce the wounded man's energy and help him muster his remaining muscles to their tasks. The engineers explained how the mind must locate the nervous impulses to trigger the mechanisms in the implant and move the machina arm and hand. Therapists took notes and learned, along with Nooj, how the exercises must be done.

After several hours, a nearly exhausted and sweat-drenched Nooj had managed to twitch a finger and the attending multitude cheered loudly enough to be heard throughout the building.

Two floors below, LeBlanc heard the hullabaloo and wondered what was happening. At the distance she could not be sure of whether she was hearing sounds of celebration or of disaster. So she paced the floor and imagined the worst.

-X-

Weeks passed and progress was erratic. Nooj had quickly managed to master the skill of using the prosthetic arm. The major difficulty lay in learning to judge the amount of pressure required to lift and otherwise manipulate objects with the machina fingers which could perceive no feed-back. Many items were alternately dropped or crushed before he gained the experience to use the hand effectively. When he was finally proficient, the engineers rewarded him with a handsome black leather glove to hide the rods and levers.

He continued to have periodic chills and at those times huddled miserably in a corner, clutching blankets around himself and lamenting his past life.

"I don't understand. Why can't I get warm? I never used to feel this way." His teeth chattered so that he could hardly speak. "I need exercise to stop this. Damn this leg!" He crashed his left fist against the machina limb.

"Take it easy. You don't realize yet how strong that fist is. You don't want to mess up the leg you'll need to exercise with. I'll check with the therapists and see what they can rig up to let you work out until you can walk. OK?" Aquelev was getting used to accomplishing the impossible as he devoted more and more time to assuaging Nooj's demands.

"OK. I'll need to tone the muscles in my right arm if I'm going to be able to pick up my sword, let alone swing it." The thought of fighting again seemed to warm the Warrior.

Aquelev did not think this was the time to tell Nooj the chances of his ever being a swordsman again were slim or that his sword had been broken to pieces during the encounter with Sin. The Crusaders who had been saved by his sacrifice and who had witnessed the event had drawn a parallel between the shattering of the sword and the breaking of the man and had woven the thought into their tales told around the campfire. The ones who had paused to pick up bits of the blade cherished them as relics of their fallen leader and superstitiously carried them on their persons like amulets.

-X-

In her second floor dressing room, LeBlanc brooded. She had worn through the euphoria which had accompanied knowing that Nooj was phyically present in her house. Now, it was no longer sufficient to be conscious of his being under the same roof, she wanted to see him with her own eyes. It had been a very long time since she had actually looked at him, not since that morning when she had told him good-bye and watched him stride off to war which his arms swinging and his head high. Hearing from Aquelev about his injuries and the progress he was making to adapt to his new condition was no longer enough. The images her mind conjured up were almost surely more dreadful than the unknown truth. She made her decision. She would tell the Al Bhed merchant that she must see her guest if only from a distance and without his knowing. She could not continue with this nerve-wracking existence, feeling that a disaster dwelt upstairs and she had no control over the situation.

Accordingly, she confronted Aquelev later that day. "I've been very patient for all these weeks and I've kept my word, you know that. But, I want to see him. He doesn't have to see me; I'll be content to stand behind a curtain and he doesn't even have to know I'm there but I want to look at him. I don't even know for sure if he's alive or not. For all I know, you could have nobody up there on the fourth floor. So, will you arrange it?"

Aquelev was not at his most tactful. He had had a difficult day. Business had piled up on his desk and he was seriously behind with meeting his commitments to the companies which depended upon him to supply them with the wares they needed to stay afloat. Nooj had been especially demanding since his attempts to use the leg were not progressing. He could not yet put weight on the limb because of the pain caused by the pressure of the connecting rods against his remaining flesh and bone. So, he was not as sympathetic or congenial as he might otherwise have been.

"No. You and I had a deal when I agreed to persuade him to come here. I have kept my part of the bargain and I fully expect you to keep yours. You said you would keep your distance until I told you he was prepared to receive you. He's not ready, not by a long shot. No, you cannot see him, not even hidden and from a distance. I give you my most sacred word that Nooj is alive and where I said he is - on the fourth floor of this very house." He tightened his mouth and turned away.

LeBlanc did not try to argue. She recognized the hopelessness of doing so. Besides, she had her own ideas about getting her way. It was her house and she had overseen the renovation of the fourth floor.

11


	11. Chapter 11

9/26/07

**Chapter Eight-A**

**Lust for Dominance**

"Damn! Damn! Damn!" Nooj collapsed into the chair which had been hastily pushed behind him. He had been attempting to stand with the help of the parallel bars along the runway in the therapy room.

"I need to know exactly what the problem is." The earnest young man who was coaching the exercise knelt on one knee beside the chair. "Is it the discomfort or the lack of balance?"

"Discomfort?" Nooj snarled with ominous softness between clenched teeth. "It's pain, you purblind idiot! You try to put weight on a leg supported by sharp metal scaffolding running directly into raw wounds where the real leg was ripped off. Then see if you call it discomfort."

"Sorry, sir. I'll consult with the Healers and we'll work out some way to deal with this. Tomorrow, we'll concentrate on moving the leg in a lying or sitting position. Let the tender parts in the stump recover while we work on your mental control of the knee and ankle." He scurried away, flipping though his note-book.

Nooj turned to Aquelev who had been silently witnessing the effort. "Why didn't he think of that to begin with? No. He had to start with making me stand up."

"Well, that's what the engineers recommended."

"Your people are not only ready to pry into everybody else's business, they're sadists as well. You're the only Al Bhed worth your protoplasm."

Aquelev laughed. "Nooj, you're the most opinionated human who ever drew breath. What's being tried here with you is something new. No attempt has ever been made before to replace complete limbs with directly implanted prostheses, especially ones operated by the user's brain. Everybody's still feeling his way. I know.." He hastened to continue. "You're the experimental subject and it's neither fair nor fun. But you have so much to gain when this works out."

"'If' not 'when'." Nooj was not to be won over so easily. "So that's what I've become - lab rat to a race of tinkerers. I used to be able to take my sword and cut my way through a horde of fiends. Now I don't have the agility to duel with even a single enemy. There is nothing left of me. Just a broken piece of flesh and bone. I should have died."

"There are other ways to fight than with a sword." Aquelev spoke flatly.

"Not for me. For as long as I can remember a sword has been an extension of my arm. Then when I was old and strong enough, I was given the two-handed blade and knew it was my partner - as much a part of me as this lost arm." He disdainfully struck the machina prosthesis with his right fist. "This useless collection of junk, this obscenity, this disgrace to the memory of my arm."

"Nooj, you are overexcited, abandoning your rationality. You're just at the beginning of this rehabilitation. You don't know how much motion you'll have and you don't know what you can do when this is all finished. You're still healing physically. If you had been only wounded and were waiting to get your injuries repaired, you wouldn't be acting like this. Have a little patience, man. You're a miracle!" Aquelev spoke in measured tones trying to remind Nooj of his former cool and reasonable demeanour.

"I"m a miracle because Sin didn't manage to kill me right away and you and your interfering kinsmen decided not to let me die as I should have. Damn you all! You have no idea what you've done. You've trapped me in this monstrosity of a body and left me unfit to seek my death where I wanted to find it. What'll you do now? Keep me under surveillance just in case I might find a way by myself? Get out! I've had as much of your eternal and phony optimism as I can stand. I'm fed up with hearing how lucky I am to be missing a limb or two. Get out! I can't stand to look at you anymore!" Spittle was flying from his mouth as Nooj strained forward in the chair, the veins in his neck bulging and his face flushed with anger.

"I'll be back later, when you're less upset." The older man took a quick glance around to make sure there were no dangerous items within reach and left, closing the door softly behind him.

Nooj's anger slowly ebbed and dark determination seized him in its place. He looked at his left leg and tried to move it with his mind. The knee shifted ever so slightly and he was rewarded with a devastating blast of agony, coursing up from the insensate machina joint into the nerves at the end of the stump. In spite of his efforts to remain quiet, he let out a cry, immediately stifled and fell back against the padding of the chair. Despair swept him entirely. Death had always been in his future. Now it was more desirable than ever and never further out of reach. His helplessness lay heavily upon him and he silently cursed his inability to take action.

-X-

LeBlanc made her way quickly up the back stairs. She had no fear of being seen since most of the household used the lift and the stairs were primarily for emergencies. Once on the fourth level landing, she unlocked the door to the service-maintenance corridor which ran around most of the floor. At the time of the renovation, she did not have a definite reason for building in the spy sites hidden amongst the pipes and conduits which pierced the wall of this hidden space but now she was glad she had had the foresight to do so.

She moved carefully in the dark passageway, using a small focused light to guide her way. A stumble would be unwise. Any noise would betray both her and the existence of this pathway. As she went, she peeked through the narrow apertures where pipes and cables entered the wall. These openings had been discreetly enlarged in order to give any observer a private, although limited view of the rooms from which they came. It was when she came to the area of the physical therapy room that she saw him. He was alone, hunched over in a wheeled chair, silent and immobile.

She felt like an intruder, looking at him without his knowledge. Would she have recognized him had she suddenly encountered him without a hint? Honestly, she did not know. Part of her mission was to be sure it was in fact Nooj and no other.

He seemed shrunken in the invalid's chair, his hands gripping the wooden arm-rests. The left hand was covered by a tight black glove but the shape outlined by the leather was not quite human. It did not exactly match the bare right hand. She could not clearly see his left arm which was hidden by a loose sleeve, but it too seemed angular and unnatural. His posture was that of defeat and what she could see of his face was drawn and pale, its bronze colour faded to a sickly jaundiced shade and deep lines etched in the once smooth skin. Nobody would ever again say he looked young for his years.

He had never been fleshy. Despite his broad chest, his body had been slender and agile. Now he was thin, almost emaciated, and bent, twisted like an old branch. His left leg was a construction of rods, pulleys, and rollers, connected to what remained of his thigh by a metal sheath extending almost to his waist and seeming, most improbably, fastened in place with rivets penetrating his living body. Aquelev had told her that the artificial limbs were permanently attached by connectors going directly into the remaining bone structure, but she had not pictured it in such painful detail. It was as though he had been re-assembled from disparate parts like a robot or a toy for a child.

He was motionless, his hair shielding much of his visage from her gaze. The glitter of the spectacles prevented her seeing if his eyes were open or closed.

No, this was not the Nooj she had known, the self-confident, athlete who had enlivened her bed. This was a stranger and she wondered if she would ever come to know this broken man, this half automaton.

Suddenly, she had a mental image of the contraption of cables and rods pressing against her naked leg in bed, of that black glove closing coldly on her bare breast. Her gorge rose and she closed her eyes in horror. If she could not even bear to imagine such things, how could she manage to accept the reality of his changes? Would the humanity of his inner being overcome the presence of the prostheses? Did any of humanity remain in him? She had no idea but feared she was not courageous enough to try to find out.

Then another dreadful thought invaded her mind. Was his presence in her bed even a possibility any more? How much had he lost in the battle with Sin? Aquelev had warned her about the injuries she could see. Had he been too delicate in his wording to tell her about another, more daunting, loss? Was that why the man she watched through the peep-hole seemed so despairing and destroyed?

She continued to observe, growing more distraught the longer she stood there. He did not move and she thought he might be sleeping - or dead. At last, she could bear no more and turned back to the corridor, her hand over her mouth to keep the sobs silently inside.

-X-

LeBlanc closed the door of her suite behind her with delicate care. Almost tentatively, she advanced into the room, directing her steps toward the glass cabinet which gleamed against the far wall. She touched the pearl button set into the framework near the door catch. With a soft whirring sound the dark green curtains which shielded that which was inside rolled up, revealing the contents of the vitrine. There he stood, young and virile, feet planted firmly, his fists resting on his hips, laughing at her in all the pride of his power and perfection.

LeBlanc leaned against the cabinet, her palms spread wide across the glass. Pressing her brow on the barrier, she gazed at the statue inside.

"You're the real one, my beloved Nooj, my true love. You told me you were immortal, that your deal with Death meant that you would always be young and whole as long as you breathed and your heart beat. You're not that old man in the invalid's chair with the shrunken, broken body drooping into a heap of despair. I don't know that old man; he's not the one who drove me wild with passion and laughed at my moans of ecstasy. It was you, no one but you."

She wept, scalding tears pouring down her face. Slowly, she slid to her knees, still pressing against the vitrine, her sobs becoming louder until they echoed in the room and alarmed the two faithful servants outside her door.

"Do you think we'd better send for a Healer - or a masseur?" Ormi whispered.

"No. She'd kill us. Just keep quiet and listen," Logos replied.

"I don't want to live without you. I want to join you in this cabinet and be preserved forever in your embrace. Will you accept me? Will you share your world with me?" She began to wail and plead, promising and threatening.

The two outside could stand to wait no longer. They entered the darkened room and gently lifted the shaking woman to her feet and guided her to the waiting bed. When she was tucked under the covers, still fully dressed, Logos bent over her.

"Do you want me to send for anyone? Maybe that Aquelev?" He had noticed that the Al Bhed had a calming effect on LeBlanc.

"No!" she screamed shrilly. "It's none of his business. I'll deal with it. It's my problem, my concern. Now leave me alone."

"But, boss ... madam, we're worried." Logos' long nose twitched in his distress.

"Worry about yourselves; I'm about ready to use the Heel!" LeBlanc struggled against the confining coverlets as the two underlings took to their heels and vanished.

The woman tossed on her bed, her mind whirling with thoughts she could not control. She was certain that had her lover come back as he had left, he would had professed his love for her and they would have sworn vows to one another. It was fated to be that way. Nooj had been on the verge of expressing his devotion that last day. All her experience with men made her confident of her deduction. She loved him; ergo he must love her. There could be no other result. But he had come back cruelly maimed and disfigured. Now, nothing was certain; it was all different. Was his mind still completely his own and did he still think of her in the same way? Was he ashamed to face her, changed as he was? And could she love a man broken like the one she had just seen? Did she have the courage? The questions continued to chase one another with no answers to be found. Finally, exhausted from the emotional storms, she fell into an uneasy sleep.

-X-

Aquelev went to his temporary office. His intent was to catch up on the neglected work but he was unable to concentrate. He could understand why Nooj felt despondent. There had been too many blows in too short a time. To find himself maimed, forced to continue living and being used as the test object for a new technology was more than a young man should have to bear all at once. And Nooj was young. He had taken his strength and skills for granted, assuming they would be there for so long as he needed them. Now that was gone. All this added to an already deeply entrenched loathing for life would inevitably darken his depression. No wonder his longing for Death was stronger than ever.

The Al Bhed stood up suddenly. He could no longer stand the miasma of unreality which had crept into every corner of LeBlanc's establishment. It was like a nightmare world and he could not breathe there right now. With a heavy sigh, he hastened out the door, down the lift and onto the bustling street. He walked briskly, deliberately keeping his mind from dwelling on the situation he had left behind him. It was with a sense of surprise that he discovered his seemingly aimless walk had brought him to the doors of his uncle's headquarters.

Aquelev stood there for a few minutes pondering then, making up his mind, he pushed open the door and entered with an air of determination.

Gratti looked up from his paper-piled desk and, recognizing his nephew, grinned sardonically. "Well, my boy, how is the experiment coming along? Is your superman performing miracles of prowess yet?"

"Don't play games, uncle. You've got your spies everywhere you have an interest. You know perfectly well that Nooj has mastered the arm and is not doing well with the leg. I don't know why you and your coterie thought you could stick a handful of sharp rods into the tender end of a torn-off limb and expect a normal man to be able to put his considerable weight on the result. I know you thought the sheath would bear a part of the pressure, but it, too, is anchored with rods into the living flesh and bone. It's not like the arm, where there's no question of balance and ... oh hell, you know what I'm talking about." The younger man threw himself into the chair in front of the desk.

"Ah, but your superman is just that. He's not a 'normal man'. He's y taydrcaagan and as such doesn't feel pain like you or I would. Besides, my spies tell me he's lost a lot of weight and that should make it easier. You'll just have to encourage him to try harder. We need him to show how easy it is, not to indulge himself in his little discomforts."

"May Yevon exist and damn you to whatever eternally painful place He presides over. You don't see that brave and strong man reduced to an exhausted rag every day. You don't see him trying with all the courage and determination he has to take just one step, just one. Maybe you should come witness it yourself."

"That's not my job. I'm a marketer; you've taken on the task of nurse-maiding the poor lad. And you took it on voluntarily, I might add. If you can't do the work, we'll find somebody else and put him in the house. You've been away so long you've forgotten how hard we have to fight for every bit of acceptance from the rest of Spira. If we can get a toe-hold here and show them a way to defeat Sin, we'll have made a great advance for our people. You've got a major role in this effort so get busy." Gratti slapped his plump hand down on the desk, sending papers flying into the dusty air. "By the way, your cursing has lost both wit and inventiveness since you started living with Spirans."

"Damn it! He's hurting and too proud to cry. The therapists are going to let him have a couple of days to let the stump recover from the latest trauma. He should get the hang of moving the knee and ankle by that time. But if he can't, he can't. I'll be damned if I'll push him past his or any other human limits. I'd say I'd keep you posted but there's no need. Your spies will be quicker than I am." Aquelev pushed back his chair and started to rise.

"Sit down and listen to me. You don't seem to understand what's at stake here. This is the best chance we've ever had for acceptance into the main culture of this planet. If we can prove to them that we're a worthwhile addition to their world, we can keep moving into the mainstream. Think of the mutilated we can help with our prostheses, think of the crippled who will walk and the armless who'll be able to embrace their loved ones. Think of the side-lined Warriors, no longer able to handle a sword, who can go back to practicing their profession with our guns. We've got a lot to offer and we're ready to do it. Nothing but silly prejudice stands in our way. If Nooj can be rehabilitated from something like what happened to him, then we can hope for acceptance. I've told you this over and over and you never seem to get the point. This is for your people, you sanctimonious little bastard. And for your friend. He wants to die? Fine. We're helping him try again. He'll tell you death in battle is far better than opening his veins in a grimy bathtub. Ask him. Challenge him. Show him the way to his heart's desire is our way. There isn't any other. Not for him and not for you. Not for us, the Al Bhed."

Gratti sank back into his chair, panting slightly and glaring at his nephew from beneath his shaggy brows. "Now go back and inspire him."

"You don't understand..." Aquelev started to say.

"No. It's you who don't understand. This isn't a game we're playing here. This is deadly serious business. Damn it, Aquelev! I want your friend to walk again. I don't want him to die but if that's what he's after, it's his business. But I want him to walk, easily and naturally. If possible, I want him to be a swordsman again. It would be better for us if he used one of our firearms, but if he'd be more content with a sword in his hand - that's what I wish for him. I'm damned grateful for all he's suffered in our behalf. I appreciate his efforts and his pain. He has to persevere, both for us and for him. Try to get it through your thick head that we're all serious and we care what happens to Nooj. He's not just a tool for us. We care.

"I keep it light because I have more on my plate than you know and can't drag my worries around like chains weighing me down. I had hoped you would recognize that without my having to tell you but ..." He leaned his head back against his chair and closed his eyes.

"No, Uncle Gratti, I've seen you cozen too many dupes in my day. You won't get away trying that crap on me. You're on the hunt for profits and don't give a damn for anything else. Your pious protestations that the lame will walk and the maimed wield a sword are not convincing. I know what you're aiming at. All you care about is persuading the army to use your weapons. You don't care if they kill Sin or if they make him more dangerous. All you care about is money."

"You think Sin is no danger to the Al Bhed? You think we couldn't make more money if we weren't shunned? You're a fool, Aquelev. Your argument is so weak any child from our culture could destroy it. Bah! You're not worthy of the swirling in your pupils. Do as you like. We'll keep struggling and your superman will still have his arm and leg - courtesy of the Al Bhed. He'll be more grateful than you are."

"How little you understand him. Never mind, Uncle, I'm going now. I'll pressure Nooj to keep trying, not so you can pile up a fortune, but so he can manage to keep existing until he can find his own way to die."

9


	12. Chapter 12

**Chapter Nine-A**

**Step at a Time**

Aquelev did not visit his uncle again during the weeks which followed. However, LeBlanc returned more than once to the service corridor and its peepholes. She could not restrain herself. She watched Nooj gradually learn to move the prosthetic leg and finally to stand on it for a few minutes and participated mutely in the celebration of that feat.

Shortly after LeBlanc had commenced her spying she had cornered Aquelev and begged, "Aquelev, please tell me again just what happened to Nooj." She leaned forward.

"Dear lady, I've told you in all the detail I know."

"But just once more since you won't let me see him." She had long cultivated the skill of misleading when she found it useful.

Aquelev sighed and began, "It's his rules I have to follow. OK. He ran to the rescue of a Crusader unit Sin had trapped on a causeway. When he distracted the monster, it caught him in some sort of attack - I never learned which - and ripped off his arm and most of his leg. That's it. Oh, the aura surrounding the attack slightly damaged his eyes. That's the story."

She leaned ever more forward. "Just the arm and leg? Was there anything else? Besides the eyes?"

Aquelev was not a stupid man. It finally dawned on him what she was really asking. "No. No. Not that! Nooj is still perfectly intact there. You don't have to worry about that. Nothing's wrong. I give you my word." He blushed deeply.

LeBlanc's blush reflected his. "Well, I just wondered. You can't blame me, now. Er, ... I'm glad to hear that; he's suffered enough."

Aquelev nodded. "That he has. He's got the hang of manipulating the machina arm really well. It's almost as good as his real one. It's being a struggle for him to master the leg. But I'm confident he'll do it. Maybe then he'll be willing to let you visit."

So it was - as time passed, Nooj learned to move the artificial leg more smoothly and was eventually able to place his full weight on it. LeBlanc watched his progress and applauded silently when he took his first steps, bracing and balancing himself on the rails along the walkway. She watched as he graduated from crutches to a cane and winced at his painful limp. She remembered her conversation with Aquelev and determined to renew her demand to actually visit Nooj in person. Now that she knew the full extent of his injuries, she had a great desire to test her own courage. It might even be possible to touch that black-gloved hand or the hinge of the knee. Maybe she could gradually come to terms with what he had become.

-X-

"How's it faring?" Aquelev asked as Nooj moved slowly from the doorway toward his chair. "Is there less pain now?"

"Less. It's bearable," the tall man grunted. "I'm still having trouble with balance. I feel all wobbly and don't think I could manage far without the cane."

"There's no reason for you to do without it before you feel ready. It's less of a hindrance than the crutches and better than the chair. Right?"

"Of course." Nooj grudgingly admitted the obvious. "I wish your mob had made the damned prostheses less heavy. It's like lugging around steel bars with lead fillings."

"But you're walking and that's the main thing. It'll be easier as your muscles strengthen. This means you can get back into battle before long."

"As a swordsman? I'm nowhere near agile enough for that. You have to be fast on your feet to handle a blade. Where is my sword anyway?" He looked around as though expecting to see the weapon propped up in one of the room's corners.

"Uh ... Nooj, I'm afraid your old sword was broken at the same time you were hurt. You'll have to have a new one forged. Or it might be a better choice to use a gun."

Nooj looked at his friend the way a High Priest would look at a heretic who had just blasphemed his deity. "A gun? Are you insane?"

"You were ready to use one back when I first knew you and you've proved conclusively that swords don't work to kill Sin. The best even you could do was a wound which drove him off but left him alive to attack another day. And he has."

"What! I hadn't heard! Who's he hit and how bad?"

"I'm afraid he hit the Moonflow area and destroyed a lot of structures. Didn't kill more than two or three people. They were lucky and had a warning from some kids playing on high ground. They saw the wake Sin leaves when he's traveling under water and sounded the alarm. Don't get upset about it. I just used it as an example of how the monster can't be killed with a sword, no matter how much you want it to be."

"Damn, I need to be back. If I can't kill it with my sword, I can drive it off. I've done that before. I'm going to start practicing with a light blade right away. See if I can still do it."

Aquelev was worried, both for the physical and emotional well-being of his friend. "Isn't it a little early for that? You're still having troubles with balance; you just mentioned that a moment ago."

"Old friend, I can't keep on putting things off. I've got to get back to my unit before I'm too old to serve or Sin dies of old age himself."

Aquelev tried again. "Nooj, you know and have admitted you can't conquer Sin with a sword or by yourself. Only a Summoner has the power to bring the Calm."

The younger man looked at the older with exasperation. "You persist in trying to see me as Sin's nemesis. It is not to destroy the monster that I want to fight again. It is to destroy myself."

"How can you keep holding to that sick, childish idea after what you've gone through? Surely, the pain and the work of rehabilitation has taught you the value of life. You're a great hero. And in my eyes, your struggle on this floor of this house has been more heroic that any of your feats in battle. Great Yevon, Nooj, you've paid for your courage, now invest it in something of value to the world."

"Be quiet. You don't understand and you know nothing of my objectives. I told you long ago that I intend to die for my world and I am still of that mind. All this mishap has shown me is that I can't let myself become the tool of lesser men who have their own ideas of what courage is. I am still a Deathseeker and do not see that as likely to change." His mouth set in the stubborn lines Aquelev had learned to dread.

The long, intricately dressed hair which had been a defining characteristic of Nooj had grown again after having been cut and burned during the episode with Sin. Except for the cane, he looked much as he had done before the event - when viewed from his right side. Of course, the spectacles were a change but he had begun wearing them with such panache that they now seemed less medical necessities and more fashion accessories. He stood with a certain air of distinction, seeming to pose even though he was unaware that LeBlanc was photographing him through a spy-hole in the wall of the service corridor.

-X-

After a night of disturbed sleep and a morning of weeping, LeBlanc had shaken herself and resolved that she would make the effort to accept the Nooj that was rather than brood on the Nooj that had been. She did not know yet if she would be able to tolerate intimacy with the maimed man but she would never know unless she gave herself the chance. Learning that he was still capable had gone a long way toward changing her mind and now she needed to change her eidolon. With that decided, she had sent Ormi to fetch the sculptor and had hied herself up to her view point to obtain the images the artist would need for his work. While she had lurked, she had heard the conversation between Nooj and Aquelev. Not even the knowledge that the man she had loved so intensely was a Deathseeker who found dying preferable to existing dismayed her now. She had passed through the furnace of seeing him as he now was and had been annealed. It would take a great deal more than that to discourage her after what she had already gone through.

When she reached her office, Ormi was waiting. "Boss, I got him. He'll be here in about an hour. Said he had to wash up. And he needed it. You could smell him across the room and he looks more like a fiend than he did last time. A hairy fiend." The rotund man laughed, an oddly high-pitched sound for so husky a person.

"OK. Well done. Now get prints made of these pictures in less than an hour. And don't talk about what you see in them. I mean it, Ormi. No talking."

He saluted. "Yes, ma'am. No talking. I'll be right back with the pictures."

He was true to his word and laid the finished prints on her desk well before the bell rang announcing the arrival of the sculptor.

"Tsugin, I have sent for you to undertake another commission for me. It will be under the same conditions with a twenty per cent increase in payment. I am glad to have learned that you have kept your word and held your tongue about the last work you did for me and I recommend that you continue your prudent silence. Your health will be much better if you do so and you will live to drink many more flagons of your preferred beverage. Are we in agreement?" She smiled icily at the man with the bloodshot eyes.

The artist squirmed in his chair and seemed about to sink to his knees, groveling in gratitude. "Oh madam, I'll never talk about your business. You know that. I respect you too much. You're a true patron of the arts. Do you want another of the statues as real as life? I can do it for you and as fast as the last one. Just give me some idea of what you want it to look like and I'll start today. I'm your servant."

"Yes, that you are. Here. Take these photographs. Are they adequate?" She pushed the prints across the desk to him.

Tsugin reached an extraordinarily clean hand for the items and looked at them with a suddenly critical gaze. "Yes, madam. These are quite clear. I see you have the subject from all angles. That will help. Is he still the same height? I note he is much thinner. Even in his clothes you can't miss that. Is he the one they were talking about right after the Defeat? The one who saved those Crusaders?" He peered up at her with bright curiosity.

"That's none of your affair. All I am asking is for you to make an image identical to these prints. And yes, the statue should be the same height as the one you made before."

"Yes, madam. You'll have it as soon as possible. On my word. And no talking. I swear it." He gathered up his models and, tucking them into his sleeve, bowed to LeBlanc and scurried from the room.

"He's in a hurry." Ormi had been watching with amusement. "Wonder why."

"He doesn't get paid until he brings me the statue." LeBlanc never confused business with creativity. It never occurred to her that Tsugin might be eager to give shape to his inspiration or that he would have done this particular job for no payment at all.

-X-

Aquelev had not had the stomach to watch Nooj try to use a sword but had left that to the trainer who was overseeing the man's rehabilitation. Instead the Al Bhed had gone to his office to catch up with the orders which tended to pile up during his long sessions on the hospital floor. Since the work was entirely routine, it occupied only a portion of his attention and he found himself mulling over what might be possible to divert Nooj from both his obsession with Death and his fixation on the sword as the only weapon really suitable for a Warrior.

There was the one thing which had always been a reliable diversion for the Warrior before his injuries and which he had not experienced since his encounter with Sin. Aquelev laughed to himself when the notion occurred to him. Who would think he would have become a procurer at his age and position in life? The question now remaining was - should he ask Nooj if he would like to have a professional lady brought in or simply spring a fait accompli on the man? The more he thought about it the more the idea of providing a night's companion for the recuperating hero had to recommend it. Nooj was painfully sensitive about the appearance of his body and not entirely reassured that his virility was still intact. An evening with a sympathetic and experienced woman would help him get past those hurdles. Yes, it was the exact thing he needed. The trick would be to slip a competitor past LeBlanc. She would likely not be understanding of the need for a practiced professional for this delicate duty.

-X-

"No! No! What in the name of Ixion are you thinking? What have I said or done to make you think this would be acceptable to me? I understand that you mean well but you must see how inappropriate this is, what an intrusion into my privacy." Nooj's words were stern but his expression was not.

"But Nooj, you can put your concerns to rest this way. You'll finally know, once and for all, that you're capable. You'll feel better about yourself, have more confidence." Aquelev argued passionately although he realized within himself that the battle was already won.

"And if I fail? You haven't thought of that." Nooj seemed more amused than worried or offended.

"Because I don't believe that's a possibility." The discussion was beginning to take on the air of a comedy routine as each man recited the expected lines with a profound lack of seriousness.

"I failed at my try to use the sword. I can barely lift the normal one and the two-handed one is clumsy in my grip. Also, my footwork is ... the less said the better. Why shouldn't I fail at this skill too?"

"Because this is something you can do lying down and you'll have a partner to help." Aquelev suppressed a snort of amusement.

"You're a persuasive advocate. I confess certain drives have begun to be troublesome lately and I am not able to deal with them as I used to." Nooj gestured to his left hand. "Your solution is probably better than any other. Just make sure the woman you find understands some basic things. I will conceal certain parts of my body for her comfort, will only permit dim lighting and am unable to move in the ways she may expect. She should be willing to accommodate me in these and other ways."

Aquelev laughed lightly. "I can see certain difficulties might arise under the circumstances. And that other difficulties might occur during the solution. Don't worry, Nooj. I'll pick one with experience with such things, one who is agile and understanding. I know what's needed."

Nooj flushed, whether with anger or embarrassment was unsure. "I don't want a woman who'll pity me or think she's doing me a favour. I don't need release that much. You know what I'm looking for."

"Sorry, I misspoke. Do you want to audition a few candidates?"

"No. That'd just complicate the matter. Just make sure it's not one I've met before. When will you have it arranged?"

"Should be in a day or so. I'll warn you in advance." Hiding his satisfied smile, the Al Bhed headed for the lift. He intended to set things up as quickly as possible before the newly volatile Nooj changed his mind.

-X-

Nooj wondered why he had agreed to the proposal Aquelev had presented. It would only lead to humiliation and failure. He was by no means certain that he was able to perform as a man anymore. Of course he had been assured by the surgeons and Healers that there was no reason he should not but so much of that action was rooted in the mind he had no confidence that the simple fact of preservation of the physical ability guaranteed success.

He mentally shook himself. Nothing good could come of brooding in this way. The more he questioned his ability, the less likely he would be able to act as he needed to act. The woman was due to arrive at any time and he should be eagerly anticipating the romp instead of anticipating a disaster or monumental proportions. He tied and retied the sash of his robe and checked that his cane was at hand. The bed was freshly made and turned back so that there would be no awkwardness there. His hair was tightly braided and controlled, a case awaited his spectacles on the table by the bed. Everything was ready - everything except his ego. Inexplicably, he had developed a slight tremor and a strong desire to slap himself.

"Well?" Aquelev dared not ask anything more specific. He was mindful of the odd prudery Nooj exercised in public and did not want to be offensive

"Well indeed." The crippled man smiled faintly with a dreaming look in his eyes. "You did well, my friend. The lady was both lovely and tactful." Nooj paused as if to stop speaking, then continued. "She ran her hand under my robe and touched the burned places on my side, then insisted on seeing them and even kissed the flesh. Can you believe that? She said it wasn't nearly as bad as I had led her to think it would be. She caressed the machina too." Nooj was quite obviously less stressed.

"So it was a successful encounter?"

"In every way." Nooj blushed. "I was not a failure and she pronounced herself more than satisfied. I hope she wasn't lying; she made the right kind of noises. And I ..." He stopped himself at that point and just grinned sheepishly.

"I'm glad it went well. You know, I can arrange to have her visit on a regular basis if you'd like that. It might be a good thing for your health." Aquelev spoke briskly like the businessman he was.

"Yes, do that. Wait! Have you checked with LeBlanc? She might object to having a whore seen regularly visiting her establishment."

"Lasima is not seen coming here. She is slipped in most discreetly. But no, I haven't told LeBlanc. I guess I should. Nooj, it would make it easier if you would see our hostess, let her come to this floor and actually see you in person now and then. You don't have to permit any intimacies, just talk to her."

"I'll think about it. I don't want to put you in an awkward position where this indulgence of mine is concerned. Let me think."

Aquelev had to be content with that promise. He was, by and large, satisfied with events. Nooj was far less morose and was more agreeable to reasonable requests. His use of the leg seemed easier this morning. The Al Bhed tried not to think what sort of beneficial exercise it might have had the night before. It was enough that Nooj wanted to entertain Lasima again. That seemed to suggest a renewed interest in living.

-X-

Both LeBlanc and Gratti were quite aware of the time and the purpose of the visit of Lasima, if not her name. Both were pleased for varying reasons. Gratti saw it as a token of the increasing health of the injured man, an indication that he would soon be ready to serve as the advertisement for the skills of the Al Bhed and the model for their munitions. He was so satisfied with the turn of events he would have been personally willing to pay for the lady's services and add a generous tip.

LeBlanc's thoughts were more complex. She was relieved that Nooj was obviously still as virile as ever; that would make her plan easier. While she resented his spending time with another woman, she realized she was not yet ready for intimacies with him and that it would be terribly unfair to expect him to remain celibate until she had made her decisions. Also, the visit of the prostitute gave her a powerful weapon to use in her continuing battle with Aquelev. She could always forbid further visits by the woman if he did not relent and pressure Nooj to receive her - as a friend and supporter to start with. After that, who could tell?

Tuesday, October 9, 2007

1


	13. Chapter 13

**Chapter Ten-A**

**Not With a Bang But With a Whimper**

It was with a sense of yielding to the inevitable that LeBlanc looked at the new statue which had been installed in the vitrine. The original joyous young one had been taken to storage; she could not bear to dispose of it altogether.

There he stood, just as she had seen him talking to Aquelev in the therapy room - dressed in red, his hair styled in the old way, a loosely fitting sleeve hiding the left prosthesis. He looked calm and competent, even with the cane assisting his balance. His body seemed much as it had been, if a little thinner. The left leg was shaped similarly to the right and was less shocking to her than it had been on first sight. If she narrowed her eyes, he might pass for the man she had known. Even the spectacles now looked normal.

"So here we are, love, my dearest Nooj. This is the way it's going to be from now on. We've both changed. I wonder if we can please one another again as we used to."

She opened the door and stepped into the case. "Now I can touch the new parts and let my flesh become accustomed to your non-flesh. I can learn your textures with my fingers. You're so cold there. You were always so warm when I snuggled up against you. Is your remaining leg still warm and your real arm? Has the bitter cold of these parts made all of you as cold as they are? Can you love me as you are? Can I love you?"

She did not weep, her tears being spent. Instead, she tweaked the fit of the clothing on the statue and adjusted the spectacles on the narrow nose. Tsugin, the creator, had been so proud when he showed her how the sculpture was dressed in real, changeable clothing. It was as though he had created for her a life-sized doll which she could dress to suit her fancy. Now when she thought about it, that was exactly what the artist had done. She was grateful for his inventiveness for this was precisely what she needed - an eidolon which she could alter as its model changed so that she could begin to feel familiar and comfortable with the doppelganger and then the man.

She was careful to keep her voice low, not wanting to have her loyal servants break in as they had done before.

"My love, I'm so glad you're still able to find joy somewhere. Even if it's not with me. There's hope for us. It will just take time."

She leaned forward and kissed the statue on its chest, over where the heart would have been beating in the living man. At that moment, she genuinely believed her doubts were gone and she felt she could welcome the true Nooj eagerly to her bed.

Nooj was almost comforted for his disappointment on the dueling grounds. He had known it had been folly to expect to pick up his sword - even had it not been shattered - and have all his old skills at his command. The limp, which was a major nuisance in ordinary life, was a fatal handicap in sword fighting. He had begun contemplating making his way somehow into the wild lands and lurching, unarmed, into the jaws of the fiends which teemed there. Then came last night.

His success with Lasima had heartened him. He had not lost everything. "She honestly didn't seem repelled. Has it improved that much? Not to my eyes." Nooj was almost gushing. He had been so sure the sight of his burned left side would sicken any observer, even one who could stomach the touch of the prostheses.

"I told you the scar tissue would get better in time. You see it every day so don't notice the changes." Aquelev was firmly positive in his comments.

It was an indication of the extent of Nooj's insecurity that the woman's reactions meant so much to him. Aquelev knew when the younger man stopped to think he would realize Lasima was paid to behave as she had done. However, no purpose would be served by bringing that up right away.

When he was alone again, Nooj relived every moment of the night before. It had been a long time since he had had something other than his own condition to think about. He had felt warm again, really warm for the first time since his injuries. It was as though the contact with another human's bare flesh had forced back the encroaching chill of the machina limbs. Without meaning to, he wrapped his right arm around his body as if to hold in some of that remembered heat. The hated and familiar cold was beginning to make itself known again.

He would need her now, LeBlanc thought to herself. There would be things he could no longer do for himself. She could help him dress, help him arrange his hair, hand him his cane. There would be so many little things she could do for him. He would grow to appreciate her.

He thought of the way Lasima had assumed the topmost position, not with arrogance but in a playful way. It was as if she decided to offer him the opportunity to appreciate her firm breasts even as he entered her. He did not have to make excuses for his inability to move easily in the bed. She made it a game.

He remembered her mouth, soft and warm, caressing him with her tongue. Gentle teasing nibbles with her teeth, sharp enough to arouse, gentle enough to please. He felt himself stir at the memory.

She could kneel before him and tuck the end of his breeches under the sheath, smoothing the fabric so that no awkward fold would become an irritant.

Then, when the time came, he was ready and slipped inside her with the ease of a sword sliding into its familiar sheath. He moaned now as he had moaned then.

LeBlanc stroked the cool surface of the modeled calf and then the hip of the right leg of the statue. She was huddled within the vitrine, at the feet of the image with no memory of how she had come to be in that position. And yet she had no desire to change her pose. So long as she could imagine that the figure she clutched was the man himself, she was content to remain as she was. She moaned softly and leaned her forehead against the almost real limb, inhaling the fragrance of the amber she had burned as a tribute.

It occurred to her that she might be able to buy a Garment Grid holding White Mage powers somewhere on the black market. It she had one of those, she could use the various spells to help Nooj heal from the wounds he had already received and those he would surely incur in the future. That would make her valuable to him! Yes, she would put her henchmen on to that immediately.

Nooj relived again the moment when Lasima had pushed back his robe and first saw the disaster Sin had made of the left side of his torso. She had not flinched or gagged. Instead, she had gently stroked the shiny wet-looking tissue and had murmured "That must have hurt like nothing in this world." Then she had bent and kissed where the devastation was worst. He could not feel her touch because the nerve endings there were dead but he could see her movements and knew she was passing her lips over the entire area. It was to him as if a healing spell was spreading from under the palms of a great practitioner of the White Arts, someone like Yuna. He, even in retrospect, could feel the restorative effect of that compassionate move.

LeBlanc looked up at the figure and admired how well the sculptor had portrayed the hair of his subject. Nooj would have great difficulty to managing by himself with only the one really functional arm. She didn't suppose he had tried it yet. It didn't matter if he could pick up things and crust skulls with the machina hand; arranging an intricate hair style was another skill altogether. She would take great joy in combing out his mane and fashioning it into the braids and sweeping curtains his position and tradition demanded. Yes, he was a big doll for her and she would show him how she could make his life easier.

When Lasima had raised herself from his wounds, her mood had changed. She was no longer pensive and sympathetic. He could not have stood much more of what was beginning to seem like pity. Instead, she was playful and laughing. She took his long fall of hair and wrapped it around her bare body like an erotic costume, using it to lift her breasts and emphasize her sex. He did not think he had ever seen anything more provocative. If he kept on reviewing the events of the night, he would have to retire to his hygiene room where the towels were kept. With a vigorous shake, he forced his mind back to the present. The duties and the tasks of the day awaited him and he must attend to them. He headed toward the rehabilitation area with a satisfied smile still on his lips.

-X-

"Well, you can tell him I won't take no for an answer I've been very patient and not bothered him but now he's getting better ..." She suddenly stopped herself and put a hand over her mouth.

"Just how do you know how he's doing, madam?" Aquelev was stern, seizing the initiative.

"I...I hear things from the servants. You know how they gossip."

"Then I must take steps to stop it."

"Don't change the subject. I want to talk to him. I have the right. It's been long enough. I've heard the talk from the fourth floor and know he's able to walk now. Last time, you told me he didn't want me to see him stuck in a chair. So? What's your latest excuse? You know what our relationship was before. I have every right to be with him now that he's hurt and needs me."

Aquelev bent toward her. He would have placed a comforting hand on her knee but chose not - given her mood. "Dear lady, it's because of your prior relationship that he shies away from seeing you. He's changed and can't bear to be seen as less than he was. His body is badly scarred where Sin struck him and he's self-conscious about the prostheses. You know his pride."

"It doesn't matter to me! It's Nooj and he'll always be Nooj no matter what happens. He must see me. I can help him."

"Maybe in a week or two, he'll be ready."

LeBlanc could tell that the time had come to play hardball. "I know he's not being a hermit anymore. I know about the woman who serviced him. If he can romp with her he can talk to me. Tell him that!" She surged to her feet and stamped her heeled shoe angrily.

Aquelev tried to cover his surprise that she know about Lasima. 'That was a way to keep him from sinking deeper into depression. I'm trying to keep him alive."

"So am I. I can motivate him better than some stranger. Let me see him!"

"I'll try," he sighed. "However I have to warn you. The scars Sin left on him are both physical and mental. The physical ones are horrible. It looks like his body has been melted like candle wax. You cannot imagine how bad it is. He will be devastated if you insist on seeing all of him and can't take it. I warn you not to do this to him. As for the mental scars ..."

She swallowed hard. "I won't hurt him anymore. I'm stronger than you think I am."

"Then I'll try to persuade him."

-X-

"So you see, it would make it much easier if you would agree to talk to her - face to face. Things are better now; you can walk and use the arm and hand. She won't have to see the scars. There's really no reason not to see her. She's been very patient and has given us more help than you realize."

"All right. All right. She can come on this floor. I'll see her for a quick visit." Nooj was in an agreeable mood after Lasima's visit and a successful stint in therapy. He had been able to move more easily with less of a limp, even though the cane was still essential.

"Thanks for this. I'll tell her and I'm sure she'll be here almost at once."

"Today?" There was a note of surprise in his voice.

"Of course today. Within minutes if I read her eagerness correctly. Now you can't back out. Just wait here."

When Aquelev had gone on his errand, Nooj walked restlessly around the room, wondering why he had consented to the encounter. Then he heard the sounds of the lift followed by approaching footsteps and braced himself.

The woman seemed to magically materialize in the doorway where she paused uncertainly.

"LeBlanc! I must thank you for your generosity in providing this space with all its amenities for my use. It has been more than satisfactory." He bowed as best he could, leaning heavily on his cane.

She fanned herself somewhat frenetically, trying to maintain the sickly smile on lips which were trembling almost out of control. Seeing him so close was proving to be more difficult than she had expected.

"I am glad to do anything to help. You know I care."

"Yes, you've certainly proved that. Sit down. May I order some tea for us?"

"That would be pleasant." She mentally kicked herself for sounding so stiff; she had to regain her ease in his presence. It was not as if they were just meeting for the first time.

"How have you been?" Nooj asked her in a neutral tone.

"I've been fine when I wasn't worrying about you." She settled into a chair close enough to touch him. "I'm so glad you're alive!"

"Even like this?" He gestured at the left side of his body.

LeBlanc shifted her position and laid her palm against his face. "Anyway it has to be. To have you still breathing is all I ask. All I ever asked."

He paused, struck by her apparent sincerity. He had not expected her to be so calm and in charge of herself. With a sudden decisive move, Nooj caught her hand and pressed it more firmly to his cheek. "You mean that? You don't mind that I'm only half a man?"

"Half of you is more to me than all of any other man. I love you and nothing can change that." LeBlanc found that she meant what she said with no reservations. She turned to him and placed her other hand on the machina arm, running her touch down the prosthesis to the black-gloved hand. She slipped her fingers into the grip and felt them gently enfolded by a mechanism she could not see.

Nooj was moved by her gesture of trust. But only partly convinced that her protestations of acceptance were genuine.

"May I touch?" She reached a tentative hand toward his left leg.

"Why would you want to? You've already felt the arm. The leg has a similar feel. Are you one of those who gets excited by such things? If you are, then go ahead. I won't deprive you of your pleasure." He laboriously stretched his leg toward her questing hand.

She hastily snatched her hand away. "No! I want to touch it because it's a part of you and I want to know every part of you like I used to. Nooj, trust me. I love you and need to understand what has happened - for both of us."

In response, he seized her wrist and brought her palm down firmly on the machina knee. "There! How does it feel? Not so warm as the other nor as soft. What do you make of it? Want it in your bed? Are you ready to welcome a half-man, half-machina lover to your arms?" He was snarling bitterly.

"Yes, I'm ready and not just willing but eager. Don't be this way."

"How would you like me to be? Should I grovel, begging you to accept me as I am or should I simply thank you for your generosity and take myself off with a noble gesture of farewell?"

Tear of angry frustration burst from her eyes. "Damn you, you arrogant bastard! Why can't you act like a normal man? Is it too much for you to get that I'm trying to deal with this at the same time you are? I love you but there's no ignoring that things have changed. Neither one of us is the same and we've got to face that. Will you let me love you or will you hide inside that shell you keep building? ... Now let me touch you." She gracefully stood then sank to her knees clutching the machina leg and pressing her face against the sheath.

Nooj instinctively drew back and would have pushed her away had not her hand slipped to the inside of his thigh where the flesh was most sensitive. His body, newly awakened by Lasima, responded to the warmth of her palm and the pressure of her fingers.

LeBlanc did not miss the reaction to her touch. The tight breeches hid nothing from her practiced eye. She concealed her smile and continued her stroking.

"Stop! You're playing with forces you may not mean to unleash." He caught her wrist but did not remove her hand from its place.

She looked up at him with feigned innocence. "I know what I'm doing and I mean to unleash them. You still want me and if it's not exactly love, it'll do until the real thing comes along." She twisted out of his grip and smiled again, most privately, as she moved her hand carefully and slowly up the inside of his thigh.

Nooj made only a token effort to stop her. His breath was coming more quickly and a small tremor had started in his extremities. He gasped as her fingertips brushed his groin, then a soft moan escaped him and he leaned back in the chair, both his hands clenching on the wooden arms.

The sudden loud crack of splintering wood startled them both as the machina hand crushed the material beneath it. The shock of the sound and the violence of the act jolted the pair of them back to reality.

Nooj bent to the woman kneeling before him. "It's not time yet, my dear." He placed his hands carefully and gently on her shoulders. "I'm not completely in control of my hand, as you've just seen. I might do that to you."

"No, you won't. You'll be careful." She leaned against his right leg, reveling in the warmth she remembered. "I love you. Can't we make things the way they were?"

"Not quite yet. I have more healing to do. There're scars on my body which will make you sick. Let them have time to fade some more."

She stiffened in his grip. "Nothing about you is likely to drive me away. I'll trust you but you have to know I'll welcome you back to my bed anytime you've a mind to come."

Nooj found himself, unsurprisingly, further aroused by the smooth softness of her skin under his touch. Her persistence was persuading him of her honesty.

She continued, "I want you, Nooj. You can tell that. Please love me again." She was now kneeling to plead, not just to seduce. All her doubts had vanished in her determination to prove him wrong.

Even the night with Lasima had not immunized him against the sheer eroticism of LeBlanc. "Will you agree to darkness and be able to understand I am no longer agile?"

"Anything. Just love me. I want to kneel at your feet and feel you surrounding me." She placed a hand on his groin, cupping his tumescent member. "You're ready; so am I. Why should we wait?"

"Come then." He struggled to his feet and lifted her from her knees. With his cane in his left hand and LeBlanc's arm in his right, he limped toward his sleeping quarters, driven by a desire which overcame his better judgment. Until he found his death, he would take his pleasure.

Thursday, October 11, 2007

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